Christmas Memories

My Dad and Faith.. such a joy that she loves him so

My living room on Christmas morning

No money but still spoiling the kids regardless.

The kids were beyond excited.  Which is good since this is pretty much all they will get on Christmas.  I'll write about that later this week.

Got new remotes for the Wii games.  Kids took advantage of it.

They were scary.

Wii Fit is a great game but...  As you can see in this video, they got pretty close to knocking each other out.    I'm very very thankful that my husband didn't record me when I was doing the boxing game.  I got to close to the tv and ended up taking off all of our decorations on the mantle when I hit.  But I did get a good workout.

Jason is sitting in his truck that he got at Grandma's.  This is the only other gift he got besides ours.

Faith got a CD player from Grandma.  This has become my headache daily.  She is playing it constantly so loud that I can hear it all over the place.

My baby niece, Gabrielle, in one of the dump trucks.  Isn't she adorable?

Me and Gabrielle

My heart goes out to those who have lost someone

Christmas time when I was growing up was never a good time. Oh don't get me wrong. We had joyous fun. My dad decorated the house with Christmas lights. In fact, one year he even won an award. His father used to decorate every year. We had tons and tons of presents. A lot of that had to do with my mother.

But I never really talk about the part that I always worried about. You see my dad obviously didn't enjoy the holiday and every year he did something to show us. Holidays were always upset by him at some point. When my parents split up, we saw even less of him during the holidays which didn't make sense since all of us kids were grown up and had kids. The five of us kids had pretty much mutually decided that my father simply didn't like the holidays for personal reasons. As a small child that is a very hard thing.

Last night as my father and his girlfriend, Fran (or as my kids call her Granny Fran) came over. We were sitting just talking when dad started talking about how he stayed out of his kids’ lives. The personal issues between each of us as well as any marital relationships that he believed that he didn’t have the right to say anything. Now he has said this throughout the years over and over so it wasn’t anything new. The new part came when he shared something about himself that I never knew. I’m 44 years old and never had this been spoken in front of me. My dad told me that he had just learned something new about himself. He told me that he now knew that us five kids believed that Christmas was a bad time for him. I quietly agreed with that. He told me that he was sorry that we felt that way but that the holidays are very hard on him. He was 17 years old when his brother died and sixteen months later, his father passed on as well. I watched as we spoke my father’s eyes fill with tears. My dad hardly ever shows emotion so it was very shocking for me. Yes he will hug you and tell you he loves you but it is very rare occasions. You simply know that he loves you.

My Grandpa

But it started me to thinking. My dad held all of this inside himself for all these years. I can name on one hand how many times he spoke of his brother or his father. He never got over it. He admitted that as much last night as I have ever seen. So I offered to have Christmas in July with him instead. We can go camping or fishing. We don’t need to do the holidays and hurt him more or maybe we do need to do them so that he remembers how much we love him as well.

My dad and Uncle Phil (Not sure about the others)

To those of you who have lost someone, either recently or in the past, please try to share your stories.  Please try to remember them with good memories.  I talk freely of my first husband, Michael.  Even though it hurts me.  By sharing these memories with others, you allow your loved one to live on in the hearts of others.

My heart goes out to you all.  God bless you all.

A Senior Christmas Poem

'Twas the night before Christmas at Rock-Away Rest,
And all of us seniors were looking our best.

Our glasses, how sparkly, our wrinkles, how merry;
Our punch bowl held prune juice plus three drops of sherry.

A bedsock was taped to each walker in hope,
That Santa would bring us soft candy and soap.

We surely were lucky to be there with friends,
Secure in this residence and in our Depends.

Our grandkids had sent us some Christmasy crafts,
Like angels in snowsuits and penguins on rafts.

The dental assistant had borrowed our teeth,
And from them she'd crafted a holiday wreath.

The bed pans, so shiny, all stood in a row,
Reflecting our candle's magnificent glow.

Our supper so festive -- the joy wouldn't stop --
Was creamy warm oatmeal with sprinkles on top.

Our salad was Jell-O, so jiggly and great,
Then puree of fruitcake was spooned on each plate.

The social director then had us play games,
Like "Where Are You Living?" and "What Are Your Names?"

Old Grandfather Looper was feeling his oats,
Proclaiming that reindeer were nothing but goats.

Our resident wand'rer was tied to her chair,
In hopes that at bedtime she still would be there.

Security lights on the new fallen snow
Made outdoors seem noon to the old folks below.

Then out on the porch there arose quite a clatter
(But we are so deaf that it just didn't matter).

A strange little fellow flew in through the door,
Then tripped on the sill and fell flat on the floor.

'Twas just our director, all togged out in red.
He jiggled and chuckled and patted each head.

We knew from the way that he strutted and jived
Our social security checks had arrived.

We sang -- how we sang -- in our monotone croak,
Till the clock tinkled out its soft eight-p.m. stroke.

And soon we were snuggling deep in our beds.
While nurses distributed nocturnal meds.

And so ends our Christmas at Rock-Away Rest.
Before long you'll be with us. We wish you the best

Mommy's Letter to Santa

Santa,

I've been a good mommy most of the year.  I have taken care of my family.  Yes yes I have even taken care of the monsters.  Oh wait you don't want to hear me call them that do you?  Well tooo bad.  It is what it is.  Monster #1 is complaining because her doll has no clothes.  I think its more important that the monster itself is clothed.  Monster #2 is singing every little piece of Christmas music he knows.  Could you please let him know just one complete song?  I can't handle the We wish you a Jingle Bell Jingle Bell Batman smells smelly feet oh well chorus much longer.

I've done the dirty deeds.  I've cleaned the toilet and done the laundry.  I've done dishes that scare even me.  I've cleaned up messes and made beds.  I have even given my husband some.  Well he has to be happy about something doesn't he? 

Yesterday I would have asked you for a bowl full of money.  But today I realize that you have given me so much.  I have wonderful psychotic kids and a loving well mostly husband.  I have wonderful friends.  The very best followers whose well wishes touch my heart daily.  We all have our health.  So the things that I am asking for...please spread them out over a few years.  I know they are big wishes so it could take longer.

Wish One - Please continue to give my family and friends good health.  That is extremely important to me.  Quite frankly, money could not buy that for me.  Please find a cure to everyone's illnesses.  Don't let cancer, aids, diabetes, or anything else take another life from this earth.  Ok well if God wants them for an angel.. I know thats not suppose to stop.  But if the devil wants them because they are evil..then let that one slide by to the devil's gate.  But if that person who is dieing is an angel on earth please let them live on.  We so need the angels that are on earth.  We need them to remind us how precious our lives really are. 

Ok I shouldn't ask for more but..here we go.

Wish Two - I'd like a waist line again please.  I don't know where you misplaced mine but can I have it back?  My husband is getting sick of holding onto these "love handles".  Why do they call them love handles?  Quite frankly, I don't love them.  I'm sure that my husband doesn't but he keeps telling me that I look good in those jeans.  You know the ones where my love handles hang out?  I love the turkey but I know a fib when I hear it.  Ok so he tells me I look good in them.. and instead of me changing clothes and finding something that does look good on me.. I wore those out in public.  Give me a break.  I'd rather hear the truth than look goofy in public.

Wish Three - Could you please in your spare time create walls that can't be colored on?  Yes I know that Crayola says that their crayons don't color on walls and furniture but... I've been the one to scrub them until I thought my arms would fall off.  Ohh while you are creating the walls.. can you create the furniture that can't be as well?  When you do, could you also make them non stickable?  I can't stand peeling off all these stickers.  Ok if you can't manage this, could you please make the furniture cheaper?  That would mean I could easily replace it.

Wish Four - Could you please help the manufacturers of Toyota to create a new car that has mommy features?  I love their new cars.  Truly I do.  But I would love one that would separate the kids from each other.  Maybe a glass compartment for each child?  In this glass compartment, each child would have their own radio with whatever music they like.  Now this means that the mommy would be able to listen to their own music.  Wow I love that thought.  No preschool music on the radio.  No Christmas music in October to drive my mother insane.  Oh while you are at it, can you create a mute button for the kids?

Wish Five - Can you create a perfect child for me?  One that makes me feel like a good mommy.  I dream of having a child listen to me and actually does what I want them too.  Ok scratch this wish please.  You see, I want my children to stand up for themselves.  If I have to be the unwilling participant so be it.  Can you at least install a chip in their brains that lets them hear me?  I swear they don't hear me when I'm hollering.  No No That's Wrong.  OR Stop That.  OR I said Stop that. OR No eating in your rooms!  I hate repeating myself so maybe a recorder with it on it will work too.  Push a button hear your mother.  Oh I just scared the begesus out of me.

Wish Six - Can you let me borrow the time machine that you use on Christmas Eve?  I just want to borrow it at least twice a week so that I can get all the stuff done that I need to do.  I could do the laundry, dishes, read the blogs, write... All that fun stuff you know.  Oh yes and to brush my hair.

Ok you have my list.  Please get on it as soon as possible.

P.S.  I could still use that bowl of money if you have it spare.

Wordless Wednesday - Christmas Decorations

Varuummm

My tree

The little village.  Its so cute.. see the little people

The snow globe.  I love love snow men.  This was given to me by my mom years ago.

My Santa.. see his beard glowing?

The little tree and Santa on the island that separates the rooms

The best Christmas decorations of all...my kids

My mom with my kids..see the bare feet?  These are pictures of my mom's pre Christmas with the kids before she left for Florida this year.

Jason so excited cuz he got a dollar

Faith says "Mom this doll is naked."

Oh there are her clothes.  This was my mom's Christmas with the kids

The gift for Jason from Walmart.  See the label in the lower corner?

And the packing list on this one?  Gotta love it when their best toy for the year comes unwrapped.  Proof positive Walmart.

Memories of Christmas Past

I can remember being a child and being downstairs with all the other kids on Christmas Eve. We were sitting on the steps looking up trying to see anything under the door... we saw Santa's red boot under the door. Just a bit... we all scrambled so fast to our new assigned beds. Usually we slept upstairs. And so the dreams of Santa continued on that night. By this point, my brother was telling us that he wasn't real. I think he was more excited that night than we were.

(I'm in the middle)

Then there was the year that I had the chicken pox on Christmas day. I'm walking around polka dotted in the living room and crying cusp we couldn't go see my grandma and grandpa. God bless his soul. The cheer and laughter that was shared among my family was so amazing. The look of happiness upon my mother's face as we all giggled and unwrapped gifts. My mom has always done Christmas to the hilt. She has always spoiled us all rotten. Christmas was to me as a child one of the most joyous occasions. It was one of the most special moments of seeing my mother so incredibly happy.

As I grew older and got married the first time, I remember the very first Christmas that Michael and I shared as a married couple.  The love that was in our hearts and not much else.  We had just gotten married come this Monday, December 14.  The excitement that was on his face.  The joy in my heart.  We had his foster family around us to celebrate.  Marsha (my kid's biological mom) was part of that joy.  She was 4 years old.  There was so much laughter in the air.  We decorated trees and we laughed together.  Michael told me that year that if he had known me before he would have changed everything about himself.  We didn't know that in a month he would have no sight.  We were dirt poor and so in love that it simply didn't matter.  Isn't that a wonderful feeling? 

After he was gone, I created a new tradition where I would go to my sisters and send them out for the night so that my niece and nephews could make a gingerbread house.  We would laugh and giggle as the house would fall apart on some occasions.  I remember watching as the gingerbread house started from one little house to a landscaped house later on in another year.  I knew by this point that I would not be having in children so I chose to take whatever time I could with my nieces and nephews to fill that void in me.

Then there was that beautiful first Christmas with my husband, Ken.  My family had always been dysfunctional.  Actually sometimes I think we gave new meaning to that word.  Here I was in a family that was so incredibly close to me.  Let me tell you it scared me.  I didn't understand this closeness.  I always (even to this day) have to put space between us.  I didn't grow up with this closeness in a family.  Oh I dreamed about it but to see it up close for the first time.  It was sooo eye opening and my heart felt as if it would burst at any time.  That first year when Ken goofed up with my present..we bought the same presents for each other.  Something that I knew he wanted.  He thought my hints trying to figure out what he wanted was about what I wanted so he bought me the same thing.  Honestly, at this point in our relationship, I didn't think that we were going anywhere together.  I never dreamed there was a future.  Ken was so young.  I do mean young.  He was 22 years old.  I was 32 years old.  I knew that he saw life through totally different eyes than I did.  But he didn't.  I just wasn't aware that he had such an old soul.  That year he apologized because his cousin was giving his girlfriend an engagement ring.  Ken wasn't giving me one.  It was way too early and I never dreamed we would get married.

But the following year, Ken did get me an engagement ring for Christmas.  We were so in love.  I told him that we had to wait for a while until he grew up.  Yes I did say that.  I was so scared to marry him.  I knew that I couldn't have kids.  I didn't think that I should make him miss out on being a father.  He told me that it didn't matter he didn't want kids.  Problem was he was 23 years old.  I don't know most men that don't some day want kids.  I was suddenly part of the family for real.  I can't explain it but it did feel like his family treated me differently since I was going to be in their family legally.  I know they didn't mean to.

Then came the Christmas before we got married.  We both knew it was the last one.  We were getting married on Valentine's weekend.  We were teased that it was the last time.  We were so very much in love and we were fighting constantly.  I was being plagued with these doubts about never having kids.  The doubts were stupid but they were there.  You see, I couldn't shake the notion that Ken would eventually leave me so that he could have kids.  Or the thought that I didn't have the right to take that from him.  I so desperately wanted children myself that it was inconceivable that I could do this to him.  Thank Goodness we survived that.

The following Christmas was a totally different experience.  We had Faith for two months by then.  We were struggling financially but so very much in love.  Ken decorated our house for the first time.  We decorated the house very lightly.  I kept saying that Faith wouldn't know.  But that thought changed when Faith's face would light up with every twinkle of a light.  But sadness was in the air.  Ken's father had passed away on December 14 of that year.  His mother wasn't his mother anymore.  She never has fully come back to us.  And Ken was suffering with thoughts that his dad should be there to help him raise his daughter.

The following Christmases have been totally amazing.  There was Faith's next Christmas where she was walking.

The year that she knew what Christmas was.

The year that my grandma and her great grandma was able to be there.  See the idiots in the back?  My family won't let you take pictures of them.  Sighs.

Which was the same year that my sister's bird came.  Faith was fascinated with it.  I was terrified for Faith.

Then as she started to grow up and understand all the great things about Christmas.  We were broke that year.  We had just remodeled our kitchen.   See the awesome counters?  We went to Home Emporium for them.  They were 1/2 of the price of what Home Depot wanted.  I am telling you if you are remodeling check to see if you have one local.  Of course, our counter tops are granite.  They came from the Tile Shop.  Absolutely awesome having granite in our house.  It cleans up so well and very sanitary.

They call it Green Diamond but it looks Black with gray in it.  Its absolutely gorgeous.  Funny store... we were so poor that I lived with a cardboard counter for almost 2 years waiting on us to have the money for the countertop.

We have been so blessed and then Jason came to the family.  We went through a year of hell with foster care as we tried to get Jason into our family.  Christmas as a complete family was incredible.  When I say complete, its because all of a sudden we felt complete.  We had our boy.  Of course we never realized that until after we got him.  We went to the train display with him.  We had his first real Christmas with him.  The first one that he remembered well.

And that brings us to Christmas Current... what wonderful gifts do we have in store.  What memories do you have?

Side note:  Why do men think they can get you an engagement ring for Christmas and nothing else?  And why do they try to combine Mother's Day with your birthday? 

Christma Meme - Getting To Know You

I was tagged by Amy at Moving On From the Drama, who was tagged by Amanda at 'Manda Blogs About, who was tagged by Jen at Jael Custom Designs, who was tagged by Ivette at WAHM BAHM, who was tagged by Heather at Top Ten Christmas Blog to participate in her Christmas Meme.

1.) Have you started your Christmas shopping? Yes, I'm pretty close to be done.

2.) Tell me about one of your special traditions. My family has always enjoyed a movie night every year.  Last year we strung the popcorn as usual.  To my utter shock, the dogs ate it all.  LOL Who would have thought dogs would eat popcorn?  "Ohhh waits its food.  My bad."  That's what my husband said.

3.) When do you put up your Tree? When my husband gets around to it.  I can't go into the crawlspace.  I'll freak out so I have to trust that he will think about it.  I was once frozen under the house for two hours because I couldn't move.

4.) Are you a Black Friday shopper? I used to be, but I kinda got scared last night when my sister in law got punched in the face.  Them people are dangerous I tell you.  No punches required in my Christmas.  I did a lot of shopping online this year though.

5.) Do you Travel at Christmas or Stay home?  We used to go from house to house here in town.  But my family has split up this year and moved to different states.  I will never travel on Christmas though.  I love having my kids wake up in their own bedrooms and started screaming from the top of the stars.  "Santa came, mommy wake up."

6.) What is your funniest Christmas memory? When I was engaged to my husband, I bought him a new stereo system.  When I got to his mom's house, can you imagine my surprise that I got exactly the same thing?  He thought my hints about finding out what he wanted was what I wanted.

7.) What is your favorite Christmas Movie of All time?  I love Christmas music.  Absolutely love it.  It is so uplifting.  I love Rudolph, the Rednosed Reindeer.  I love Jingle Bell Rock.  I love the Chipmunks (can't remember the song title though).  I love White Christmas.  I love Here's Comes Santa Claus.  Ok I can't choose..you chose one for me.

8.)Do you do your own Christmas Baking? What’s your favorite treat? Yes, I do some baking. Oddly enough my family always insisted that I make my homemade lasagna on Christmas as well.  But other than that they frown.  I don't see why I only burn stuff once in a while.  I absolutely adore chocolate chip cookies.  Nice and hot.  It reminds me of my mother's house.  Ohhh I also love those wedding cookies.

9.) Fake or Real Tree? Fake tree.. are you kidding me?  If I had a real tree, my cat would climb it.  Which she did one year and it came toppling over.

10.) What day (as a Mom) does the actual panic set in to get it all done? I'm ashamed to say, the morning of the 24th. I'm a procrastinator.  (Have to agree with Amy on this one)

11.) Are you still wrapping presents on Christmas Eve? Yes, a few odds and ends. Sometimes still buying gifts on that day. Told you I was a procrastinator.  Amy stop reading my mind.

12.) What is your favorite family fun time at Christmas? We do a lot of fun activities.  We go to the Zoo to see the Festival of Lights.  We go downtown to do a carriage ride.  There are just so many fun things to do like seeing the train exhibit, going to the zoo for the Festival of Lights, doing a carriage ride.  My most favorite thing though is simply seeing the delight in my kids' eyes. 

13.) What Christmas craft do you like the best? I am so the non crafter in blogsphere.  But I love to do those felt crafts with the kids.

14.) Christmas music? Yes or No. And if yes, What is your favorite song? Yes, we listen to it all the time.  The kids love it.  I love it.  Now my mom didn't love it when we drove to Florida lol.  Which was in October.  Favorite song..see above.

15.) When do you plan to finish all your shopping? When its done.  I always think I'm done then I see something else that I just have to buy.  So when its done, I'm done.

Any blogger is welcome to participate in this meme, even if you haven’t been tagged yet. Heather will go back and add your blog link to the list if you wanna play along.

Just simply copy and paste the questions into your blog, and then answer them.

Then tag 5 or more of your favorite blogs, and leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged.

When you post your blog, please spread some Christmas cheer, and leave a link back to Heather's Top Ten Christmas Blog, and the blog that you were tagged by which happens to be HeartsMakeFamilies.

Here are my 5:

1. Patiently Waiting
2. Mamahood, Among Other Things
3. Mama's Losin It
4. Menopausal New Mom
5. I'm Living Proof that God Has a Sense of Humor

Even if I didn't tag you, please join in.