That's it I am STRIKING

I am seriously tired of being the bad cop in my house.  Come on my kids are wonderful but they aren't perfect!!!  Why does my husband think that its ok to come home at night and act that way?  They could have driven me insane all day.  He walks in and they are perfect.  Why does he get to be the good cop?

Jason was swinging from the fan last week but he's perfect.

Jason poured water all over my hardwood floors today...but he's perfect.

Faith knocked Jason down five times..but she's perfect.

Well guess what??? I'm not perfect.  I'm not the perfect mom.  I don't clean sometimes.  I don't cook that great!  My kids eat cereal for dinner when I want.  I feed my kids spaghetti even though my husband hates it.  I get mad.  I get even too.  At least I get even when my husband acts like I'm just exaggerating the situation.  I went on strike!  I got up looked at him.  You know what he did this morning again???  He woke me up for no reason.  Faith didn't have to go in today.  We had a doctor's appointment and he knew it.  He woke me up anyway. 

Told me to get up and start cleaning or some such nonsense.  This time...ladies and gents.. you will be proud of me.  I looked at him and said, "You stay home, big Idiot.  I'm not doing a thing today.  I'm on strike!"

He laughed at me and left.  HE LAUGHED AT ME.  Oh I was mad.  Ok let's get real here.  I am not going to NOT feed my kids so I did do that.  I did take Faith to the doctors.  I let them have the run of the house all day.  Yes it drove me insane.  But its the principle at this point.

Ken walks in the door at night.  Looks around.  Looks at the kids.  Looks back at me.  I just looked at him.  I was sitting in my recliner.  He starts hollering about the mess.  Peck Peck Peck on the computer.  Then he starts hollering about the blog.  Peck Peck Peck.  Then he goes in the kitchen.  Yup no dinner.  Peck Peck Peck.  Looks over the counter at me.  "Can you get up and make dinner?"  Peck Peck Peck "NO, I'M ON STRIKE!"  Peck Peck Peck.

"You can't be on strike!"

"Oh YES I can.  Fend for yourself!" and I sailed out the door.  Going to spend his money at Borders!!!

Man sometimes this blog is better than therapy.

What Makes Me A Theta Mom?

While I was sick Menopausal New Mom was kind enough to tag me as a Theta Mom (The True, Authentic Mom). Menopausal New Mom shared with us why she thought she was a Theta Mom so please check out her post here. I want you to know that I was very touched by her request. I'm supposed to share five reasons that I believe have shaped me into a Theta Mom.
Here they are:

1.  When Faith was 12 months old, she began to get sick and stayed sick. I was literally terrified. My precious little baby was capable of having hand, foot and mouth, strep throat and ear infection at the same time and act like it was an every day occurrence. Did I accept the doctors telling me it was normal? No, I did not because there was something wrong with my baby. I wanted to solve the issue. We realized that she couldn't stay in preschool with her being so ill. I chose to stop working outside the house and come home. I didn't work for over two years as we fought to make her better. She had her adenoids, tonsils, and tubes removed by the time she was 18 months old. She saw top specialists. She had more blood work and tests than you can imagine. Still I didn't stop.

My baby girl was almost 2 years old before she weighed 20 lbs. We were told that she probably had cystic fibrosis. Let me tell you hearing those words were like a cut to our hearts. I was so upset but then I kicked myself in the butt and said get up and find a way. I did my research on the internet. None of it was good but I was determined that my daughter would live a happy normal life. We would just change things to accommodate the illness. The illness would not be her life. It would simply be part of it. The doctors were wrong. She did not have it. She had a very bad immune system which really wasn’t surprising since her biological mother did not tell good care of herself while she was pregnant. We fought for several years with her health. But today she is a healthy seven year old girl. She is rarely sick. During her illness, Faith barely spoke. While she was sick, she would bang her head against the wall. We tried to stop her whenever we saw it. But we knew something was wrong because of it. It was so frustrating for me to see her frustration by it. I just wanted her to be able to communicate with me. By the time she was 2 years old, she spoke 10 words. She now suffers from a speech issues but we are working on that as well.

2. I carry a backpack with me as a purse so that I am always prepared. In the backpack, I have toys, crayons, paper, coloring book, snacks, drinks, and wipes. I used to try to carry a book or magazine with me but I never got to look at it. I stopped carrying them because I would want to look at it and my job was to entertain the kids. Period. I take an extra suitcase on vacation full of toys. It is so much fun packing for them on trips. Ok I have all their clothes ready. Now how many toys do we pack away?

3. I tried to maintain that relationship with their birth mother. I had known Marsha since she was 4 years old. I watched her grow up. I loved her as much as if she was my own during those years. She was the first child that I attached myself to when I found out that I would not be able to have kids. So you can see how hard it would be to walk away from her. You see, Marsha was willing to see Faith only when she could show her off to her newest boyfriend. Marsha was not stable enough for me to have around the kids. She was getting into drugs and the wrong people. I could not provide a stable environment with her in it. She would call to talk with me about this and that but never bring up Faith. So being Faith’s mother first, I chose to stop any communication. She has never called since. I still miss her today. But for the safety of Faith, I removed her involvement in our lives.

At one point, I was going to her Myspace and her aunt’s Myspace to get pictures of their siblings. Jason included. We found out about Jason going into foster care through the aunt’s Myspace. She was begging for people to call and tell foster care that it was wrong. I didn’t think twice about calling to tell them that if Jason was not returned to the aunt that we would take him. I thought of Faith’s and Jason’s well being first. They were my first priority. I didn’t think about what my husband would say. I didn’t think about how this would affect my family’s financials. I simply thought about how this would affect Faith (an ultimately Jason) if we did not try to get her brother out of foster care. If we let him fall into the system, I knew in my heart that Faith would wonder why we had not tried to get him. I knew that Faith would look for him for the rest of her life. So we went after him.

Getting Jason from foster care means that I had to change my entire life again. I had to quit working from home. He needed that extra attention. And as a busy little toddler he was so very active. There was no way I could work.

4. I can honestly say that I’m not a typical mother but then maybe I am. Maybe people just need to realize that motherhood has changed. I make mistakes. I laugh at them. I learn from them but I make them. For instance: when Faith was 2 years old, we decorated her room. We allowed her to do some of the decorating with us. We decked her room out. I came up with a design in my head for the room. She was going to have a tea area in the park. Some place for a little girl to feel like a princess. We put down tiles on the floor to represent the tiles you would find outside. We painted the ceiling deep blue for the sky. We painted the main parts of the wall a light pink. We painted the trim green for grass. And then we went about drawing flowers and butterflies. Now here’s where we goofed, we allowed Faith to put her hands and feet into the paint for prints on the wall. To this day, Faith still tries to paint her walls every chance she gets. It doesn’t matter how many times we tell her she’s not suppose to do it. My husband had out filler which is what you use to fill holes in your walls. He left for 5 minutes. I do mean 5 minutes. She got into and put it all over her walls in that amount of time.

I am always learning something new that is best for my kids. I am always willing to share that information as well. Here as well as in stores I found out today. Motherhood is not cut and dry. Things are always changing and we must change with the time. The more I am a mommy the more that I realize how very blessed I am. There is nothing more rewarding to me than watching my children grows. I often wonder what they will be when they grow up. I’m always telling them that they can be anything they want to be. My kids have taught me things as well. They’ve taught me to be patient. They’ve taught me to look at the smallest things in life and enjoy them. They’ve taught me to cherish my inner child. They’ve taught me that my family is more important than anything that I could ever buy. I knew that before just not as firmly as I do now.

I have realized that being a mother doesn’t mean I have to live by someone else’s way it has to work for us. So if I feed my kids’ cereal at dinner, that’s all right by me. I’ve started new traditions with them. I have fun with my kids. I put them first. I do allow them to watch cartoons. I allow them to be a kid. I play with my kids. I get down on the floor and color with them. We play games. I read them books at night. We say our prayers together. 

5. I go out of my way not to teach my children fear. We decided early on not to teach them fear. You see, my husband’s sister is terrified of everything. She’s scared of going into her own basement. She’s scared of dogs. She’s scared of rain storms. As the kids have gotten older, I realized how easy it was to teach fear. We were going to the park. I asked the neighborhood girl to go with us. Faith was jumping from one bench to the other. I was watching as a normal mommy would do. I was holding my breath because I knew that she could fall and get hurt. It’s the hardest thing I ever had to do. When all of a sudden, the neighborhood girl grabbed her and said, “No, don’t do that! You’ll get hurt.” She would never try again after that. She was taught to fear something. We never let on if we are scared of something. I’m terrified of spiders. The kids are not aware of that.

These are just a few of the reasons that I think I am a Theta Mom.  So am I?  The only thing that I can tell you is that I believe that I am doing what is best for my children.  Thats all that matters to me.

I would like to tag all of my readers. Even if you aren’t a mother, tell us what you think one is. Please let me know when you do so. I want to learn about you as well.

Ten Things to Build a Better Relationship with Your Child

Tell them that you love them.  - Think about how much your parents used to tell you they love you.  Remember, how good that felt?  Tell them now.

Hug them every day. - Think about how good a hug feels even from a stranger.  Shouldn't you be hugging your kids first?

Play their favorite games with them - I sit down and play Candyland with Faith and Jason all the time.  There have been studies that say that playing a game with a child when they are young opens up communication lines for when they are older.  You don't want to have to try to open that communication line when they are a teenager.

Read a book at bedtime. - Teachers say it all the time.  Read to your child and they will love reading as well.  I really believe that statement.  Faith is just learning to read so our stories have changed.  She is reading with us.  I think Jason is picking some of it up as well.

Go for a walk together. - Have you seen how many overweight kids there are today?  Let's get healthy by taking walks together every evening if possible.  Two or three times a week is good too.  You'll be surprised how much you talk about during that walk as well.  I learn all about things at school that Faith forgets to mention when she gets home from school.

Ask.  Don't order. - As much as it is natural, it benefits you more if you ask them to do something.  Rather than order.  Such as:  "Put your bike away now." to "Do you think you could put your bike away?"  Yes sometimes it won't work but a lot of the times it will. 

Volunteer or donate to a charity. - I like to go through Faith and Jason's toys together and find things they don't play with and donate them to charity.  They feel good about it as well since they know that it is going to someone who might not have what they do.  Doing this will cause your family to be pulled together by a common cause.

Adopt their sport or cause. - If you child loves gymnastics, soccer, dance, etc. make sure that you support them in their effort.  This tells them that you care about what they want.  Think about how you felt as a child and your parents supported your efforts in what you wanted.  Or if they didn't support it.  How often were you likely to give up a sport if no one paid attention?  How often did you do better if they did support you?

Eat dinner together as a family.  - Do you eat with your family at night?  It's a great way to sit and talk about what happened in each of our lives.  Tell family stories about Grandpa Don or Nana Phyllis. 
Make cookies.  I learn more about my kids when we are having fun making cookies in the kitchen.  They love to see flour on my nose.  You don't have to make cookies.  It could be a homemade pizza.  Just something where they see you having fun with them.

New Babies Suggestions

I had a friend asking me what I did to get used to a new baby in the house. Here are my suggestions to her:

Get on a schedule. That whole thing about 'sleep when the baby sleeps' only works if you have one baby. When you have a new baby plus a two-year-old running around, there's no way to nap when the baby naps, so you have to buckle down and get the whole family on a routine. On the rare occasion they may both be sleeping at the same time, lay down even if you cannot get any actual sleep.

So many new moms make the mistake of trying to get things done while the kids are sleeping. I would encourage Instead, I suggest you schedule your activity concurrent with theirs. My kids loved to color or play a game in the kitchen while I fixed dinner. It is noisy. But at least we were both getting things done and they were where I could keep an eye on them.

Accept help. If someone offers to watch either of them for a few hours, say YES. Even if you prefer to keep the visitors to a minimum and think you are doing well, you need this.

Get some sleep. The only real cure for lack of sleep is sleep. You may be deprived for a while, but get some sleep whenever you can and note that the quality of the sleep is as important as the quantity, so when you can, make it as restful a sleep as possible.

When you are sleep deprived you can suffer from numerous negative effects that lack of sleep causes including irritability, loss of emotional control. Pro-longed sleep deprivation can impair your immune system making you more susceptible to getting sick and fighting off infections. Because you are tired, you may start eating more to compensate for the lack of energy and your metabolism will get sluggish - making it harder to lose the baby fat and susceptible to gaining weight. It even impairs your memory and physical coordination.

Just remember, you can do this and breath!

I really do love him

I really do love him. Jason is such a wonderful child but could someone please slow him down? I just simply don't know how to handle it. He never stops. Faith and he are the complete opposites. I was used to this little girl that was calm and peaceful. Now I have a 4 year old that doesn't stop. I mean HE DOESN'T STOP! He is running or getting into trouble all the time. I thought Faith's 2's were bad. I had no clue what 4's would be like with Jason. He has times where he gets so mad. Now he is starting to hit. We went to the mall today and he hit 3 little girls. I have no clue why. I made him apologize and then put him in the corner for a while. If you can call it that, I made him sit next to me and watch everyone else play. I didn't think it would be fair to make Faith leave since she didn't do anything wrong.Oh well, that helped get the frustration out of my head so I'll go run again after him.

Difference in Kids

Wow its amazing to see how different 2 children can be. Faith is pretty laid back. Jason is, on the other hand, never stopping. Why is that kids try to mess with you more when you are outside with friends? Jason will not listen at all when he is outside. I've have tried everything. I have even put him on time out when we are outside. Now to do that, I literally have to catch him (which you know is hard) and make him sit down next to me. Then you have to stop him from getting up the entire time he is down. LOL 3 minutes never felt longer in my life.