Showing posts with label foster care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label foster care. Show all posts

Monday, November 23, 2009

Please God Give Me Patience of a Saint



Please please God give me the patience of a saint! Today is one of my normal days with Jason but the furnace isn't running. My freaking husband ran out the door without out even kissing me. Ok come on yes I know it’s just the punctual kiss in the morning but I WANT my kiss. He wasn't mad at me. He just gave the kids hugs and kisses and forgot about me. He FORGOT his loving wife. And I called him on the cell phone and told him to come back and kiss me. He said OOPS!! What the heck is OOPS about? Come back and kiss me you idiot. So I'm kissless today.


I run around the house listening to Jason complaining because like normal I’m getting Faith ready.

Jason: “Mommy, I don’t want to watch this show!”
Me: “Jason, mommy put your cartoons on already.”
Jason: “But Mommy I don’t like this cartoon.”
Me: “I am getting Faith ready. I can’t help you right now.” Brain thinking just gives me time to get her on the bus and you can drive me insane.
Jason: “BUT MOMMY I DON”T WANT TO WATCH THIS SHOW!” (Yes he was screaming at the top of his lungs. Oh boy do I know what today is going to be like.)

I went back to trying to get Faith’s mop into a pony tail.

Faith: “Ow that hurts”
Me: “Let me cut your hair off please.”
Faith: “No mommy I want my hair to grow.”
Me: “But you can’t take care of it. It looks bad when it’s not put up.”
Faith: “Mom, I WANT MY HAIR LONG.”
Me: sigh

Walk Faith to the new bus stop. Our bus stop which simply translated means I freeze while she waits for the bus to come and then she runs down the street. I’m freezing. It’s not that cold so why am I freezing? Because I put on my husband’s robe which I now know has holes in the seat. There is simply nothing like having air rush up your butt.

I walk back into the house to find Jason tearing his sister’s diary up. Yes tearing. She’s going to kill him if I don’t today. I can tell.

Me: “Jason, you are not supposed to have Faith’s stuff.”
Jason: “Why not I don’t have one of these?”
Me: “Cuz you aren’t.”
Jason: “Well, Patsy would have let me have one.”

Ouchie! He used that word on me. Patsy is Jason’s former short term foster care mother. And when ever he is mad at me or isn’t getting his way, he uses that woman’s name. He so knows as well when he does it that it drives me insane.

I went downstairs in the laundry room thinking that it was safer for me there. YES I thought that doing laundry would make me peaceful lol. Jason follows me downstairs.

Jason: “Mommy, I don’t want to watch that show.”
Me: “I’m doing laundry.”
Jason: “Mommy, change the channel.”
Me: “Stop ordering me around you aren’t my boss.”
Jason: “Yes I am.”
Me: “Sit on that box right there and be quiet. Time out young man.”

I walk out of the laundry room into my bedroom. And then it starts.

Jason: “MOMMY YOU FORGOT ME.” Over and over and over he says it.

God, again, please give me patience.  If Monday starts like this, heaven help me for the rest of it.


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Saturday, November 21, 2009

Gripes about Foster Care NOT helping

Ok my budget just got shot to heck and back.  My furnace stopped working last night.  We had a service man out.  He told us that it could run anywhere between $3,000 to $5,000.  Yikes!!  I thought I was finally getting a handle on things and wham!!  This totally stinks!

I'm going nuts. It's the one thing that I need to be able to afford but can't.  So I touch on the fact that I'm at home with the kids.  My husband makes good money but it puts me in the middle class.  Well ok.  You all know what I think about the middle class.  I think its non-existence.  We simply are stuck sometimes.  I was making such great money before Jason came.  Don't get me wrong.  I do NOT nor will I ever regret getting Jason.  It's just that we could afford so much more.  And yes, I let the bills run up.  We could afford it.  We were going somewhere.

Jason came.  I had to quit my job.  Now here's the interesting part, we chose to go after Jason.  We would do it again.  But we both EXPECTED that since he was in foster care that we would get help from the state.  That's not how it was at all.  Jason is related to my seven year old daughter, Faith.  So it's a relation adoption.  Which means the state does not help out at all.  They don't give you any financial help at all.  They don't give you daycare expenses.  He was coming from another foster care provider who got daycare expenses.  They don't give you any kind of financial support at all.  We were lucky to get a medical card on him before we adopted him.  So basically the state used us for babysitting while he was still a WARD of the STATE's.  He wasn't even ours for a year while he was here.  We couldn't claim him on our taxes either this year because he had to be with us for six months.  Technically he was with us from the end of July.  Basically foster care screwed us.  I couldn't work anymore because Jason required that extra time.  I couldn't put him in daycare because I didn't have the money to do so.  And the state would NOT help.  I asked for help and they turned me down when technically he was LEGALLY theirs.

Ok so here is the my actual complaint.  My husband and I are NOT related to Jason at this point.  My seven year old daughter was.  So where was she suppose to get the money to support him??  He was a WARD of the court.  We had to live by their rules yet we had to pay for it.  Where are all the families that go after their relative's children who went into foster care for some ungodly reason going to get the money to support the child?  Is foster care letting us down as a nation? I have to save YES.  

Again we would still have adopted him no matter what but I wanted to finally say something.


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Sunday, November 15, 2009

What Makes Me A Theta Mom?





While I was sick Menopausal New Mom was kind enough to tag me as a Theta Mom (The True, Authentic Mom). Menopausal New Mom shared with us why she thought she was a Theta Mom so please check out her post here. I want you to know that I was very touched by her request. I'm supposed to share five reasons that I believe have shaped me into a Theta Mom.
Here they are:

1.  When Faith was 12 months old, she began to get sick and stayed sick. I was literally terrified. My precious little baby was capable of having hand, foot and mouth, strep throat and ear infection at the same time and act like it was an every day occurrence. Did I accept the doctors telling me it was normal? No, I did not because there was something wrong with my baby. I wanted to solve the issue. We realized that she couldn't stay in preschool with her being so ill. I chose to stop working outside the house and come home. I didn't work for over two years as we fought to make her better. She had her adenoids, tonsils, and tubes removed by the time she was 18 months old. She saw top specialists. She had more blood work and tests than you can imagine. Still I didn't stop.

My baby girl was almost 2 years old before she weighed 20 lbs. We were told that she probably had cystic fibrosis. Let me tell you hearing those words were like a cut to our hearts. I was so upset but then I kicked myself in the butt and said get up and find a way. I did my research on the internet. None of it was good but I was determined that my daughter would live a happy normal life. We would just change things to accommodate the illness. The illness would not be her life. It would simply be part of it. The doctors were wrong. She did not have it. She had a very bad immune system which really wasn’t surprising since her biological mother did not tell good care of herself while she was pregnant. We fought for several years with her health. But today she is a healthy seven year old girl. She is rarely sick. During her illness, Faith barely spoke. While she was sick, she would bang her head against the wall. We tried to stop her whenever we saw it. But we knew something was wrong because of it. It was so frustrating for me to see her frustration by it. I just wanted her to be able to communicate with me. By the time she was 2 years old, she spoke 10 words. She now suffers from a speech issues but we are working on that as well.

2. I carry a backpack with me as a purse so that I am always prepared. In the backpack, I have toys, crayons, paper, coloring book, snacks, drinks, and wipes. I used to try to carry a book or magazine with me but I never got to look at it. I stopped carrying them because I would want to look at it and my job was to entertain the kids. Period. I take an extra suitcase on vacation full of toys. It is so much fun packing for them on trips. Ok I have all their clothes ready. Now how many toys do we pack away?

3. I tried to maintain that relationship with their birth mother. I had known Marsha since she was 4 years old. I watched her grow up. I loved her as much as if she was my own during those years. She was the first child that I attached myself to when I found out that I would not be able to have kids. So you can see how hard it would be to walk away from her. You see, Marsha was willing to see Faith only when she could show her off to her newest boyfriend. Marsha was not stable enough for me to have around the kids. She was getting into drugs and the wrong people. I could not provide a stable environment with her in it. She would call to talk with me about this and that but never bring up Faith. So being Faith’s mother first, I chose to stop any communication. She has never called since. I still miss her today. But for the safety of Faith, I removed her involvement in our lives.

At one point, I was going to her Myspace and her aunt’s Myspace to get pictures of their siblings. Jason included. We found out about Jason going into foster care through the aunt’s Myspace. She was begging for people to call and tell foster care that it was wrong. I didn’t think twice about calling to tell them that if Jason was not returned to the aunt that we would take him. I thought of Faith’s and Jason’s well being first. They were my first priority. I didn’t think about what my husband would say. I didn’t think about how this would affect my family’s financials. I simply thought about how this would affect Faith (an ultimately Jason) if we did not try to get her brother out of foster care. If we let him fall into the system, I knew in my heart that Faith would wonder why we had not tried to get him. I knew that Faith would look for him for the rest of her life. So we went after him.

Getting Jason from foster care means that I had to change my entire life again. I had to quit working from home. He needed that extra attention. And as a busy little toddler he was so very active. There was no way I could work.

4. I can honestly say that I’m not a typical mother but then maybe I am. Maybe people just need to realize that motherhood has changed. I make mistakes. I laugh at them. I learn from them but I make them. For instance: when Faith was 2 years old, we decorated her room. We allowed her to do some of the decorating with us. We decked her room out. I came up with a design in my head for the room. She was going to have a tea area in the park. Some place for a little girl to feel like a princess. We put down tiles on the floor to represent the tiles you would find outside. We painted the ceiling deep blue for the sky. We painted the main parts of the wall a light pink. We painted the trim green for grass. And then we went about drawing flowers and butterflies. Now here’s where we goofed, we allowed Faith to put her hands and feet into the paint for prints on the wall. To this day, Faith still tries to paint her walls every chance she gets. It doesn’t matter how many times we tell her she’s not suppose to do it. My husband had out filler which is what you use to fill holes in your walls. He left for 5 minutes. I do mean 5 minutes. She got into and put it all over her walls in that amount of time.

I am always learning something new that is best for my kids. I am always willing to share that information as well. Here as well as in stores I found out today. Motherhood is not cut and dry. Things are always changing and we must change with the time. The more I am a mommy the more that I realize how very blessed I am. There is nothing more rewarding to me than watching my children grows. I often wonder what they will be when they grow up. I’m always telling them that they can be anything they want to be. My kids have taught me things as well. They’ve taught me to be patient. They’ve taught me to look at the smallest things in life and enjoy them. They’ve taught me to cherish my inner child. They’ve taught me that my family is more important than anything that I could ever buy. I knew that before just not as firmly as I do now.

I have realized that being a mother doesn’t mean I have to live by someone else’s way it has to work for us. So if I feed my kids’ cereal at dinner, that’s all right by me. I’ve started new traditions with them. I have fun with my kids. I put them first. I do allow them to watch cartoons. I allow them to be a kid. I play with my kids. I get down on the floor and color with them. We play games. I read them books at night. We say our prayers together. 

5. I go out of my way not to teach my children fear. We decided early on not to teach them fear. You see, my husband’s sister is terrified of everything. She’s scared of going into her own basement. She’s scared of dogs. She’s scared of rain storms. As the kids have gotten older, I realized how easy it was to teach fear. We were going to the park. I asked the neighborhood girl to go with us. Faith was jumping from one bench to the other. I was watching as a normal mommy would do. I was holding my breath because I knew that she could fall and get hurt. It’s the hardest thing I ever had to do. When all of a sudden, the neighborhood girl grabbed her and said, “No, don’t do that! You’ll get hurt.” She would never try again after that. She was taught to fear something. We never let on if we are scared of something. I’m terrified of spiders. The kids are not aware of that.

These are just a few of the reasons that I think I am a Theta Mom.  So am I?  The only thing that I can tell you is that I believe that I am doing what is best for my children.  Thats all that matters to me.

I would like to tag all of my readers. Even if you aren’t a mother, tell us what you think one is. Please let me know when you do so. I want to learn about you as well.



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Saturday, October 24, 2009

Fourth Mother



Today was an odd day.  Jason has days where I think he is just pushing me as hard as he can.  Sometimes I wonder if it is to push me away completely.  He has gone through 4 mothers at this point.  I'm the 4th.  It can't be easy on him to know that.  I want to be his mother.  I want to give him whatever he wants.  But sometimes it is so hard.  I know he is only pushing because he still can't trust in us.  He's so afraid to just accept us as his family.  So many people have let him down so far in his little life.  It's truly sad.

I knew that his preschool teachers said that he had social issues but I didn't realize how bad they were.  At least I found out how bad when we went on vacation.  The first night Jason and Faith slept in their own room.  I told them to come to me when they woke up.  Did I really expect that they would?  Ok I delusioned myself and did.  They didn't, of course.  So Jason gets up and starts flipping any light switch that he could.  This is what I heard happened:


Brother in law said:  Don't mess with the light switches.

Jason:  I can do what I want.  You aren't my boss.

Brother in law said:  Your mom doesn't allow you to do that.

Jason:  I don't have to listen to you.
My sister and I took them to a couple of beaches that day.  They played in the sand for a while. 




There is no joy bigger than seeing your child being a carefree child.  This was the very best part of the trip.  Watching them play gave me the peace that I needed.










While we were visiting the beach, we also checked out a bird sanctuary.


Here is my sister explaining to Faith why all the birds are caged up.  This bird sanctuary actually rescues the birds and they stay here until they are well enough to go on their own if ever.  Here are the Eagles.  It was fascinating seeing them up close.



I find this picture hilarious.  Kids can be so focused.  They didn't even look up for the picture.  My sister is.  But my kids are focused on the A&W Root beer in front of them.

















It was an absolutely beautiful sanctuary.  I found it funny in one of the pictures; you can see the birds outside the fence.  They had been pardoned but they come back to sun their feathers. 

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Saturday, September 12, 2009

Would My Husband Have Chosen to Adopt If I Hadn't Wanted to?

It's pretty late tonight. But the question comes back up into my mind that I have so often wondered about. Would my husband have chosen to adopt Jason if I hadn't wanted to? I was the one that found out about him on the Myspace of his biological aunts. I was the one that checked with Children Services to see if anyone wanted him. I saw the answer to a prayer. I couldn't help but think that my husband had to want a boy to carry on his name. I couldn't forget the prayer that his father had before he died.

Ken's dad had cancer in the later stages when we got married. We knew shortly after that Faith was coming. We knew she was a girl. I always thought that her biological mother was going to change her mind. That she just wanted Ken to pay child support and she would raise her. I lived in fear for seven months as we waited for her to be born. At the same time, I lived in this fairyland thinking I was finally going to have a child of my own. Yes, I knew that she would not be mine biologically. But I promised myself that I would treat her no different than I would my own. Now I don't know how I would treat my own so I don't know how I could make that promise.

One day when Ken's dad was getting sicker, he was delirious. He looked at me and said that I was pregnant with his grandson. He started crying and saying I had to be pregnant with his grandson. Kenny had to carry on the family name. First off, I didn't blame him. He wasn't in his right mind. But it took me down to the quick. It was like getting a knife in my heart from someone I loved. Ken's father was a gentle kind man. I know he didn't mean to hurt me but he did. I promised at that moment that some how we would adopt a little boy. Ken's dad passed away shortly after Thanksgiving. Two months after Faith was born. He loved our daughter. I know that with all that I am.

It was one of the driving factors when I found out that Jason was in foster care. But it definitely was not the only one. I worried about Faith's well being when she got older and found out that she had a brother out there somewhere in the world. Would she be able to accept that we didn't even try to get him? Could we keep that he was out there in the world a secret?

My husband told me that he was happy just with Faith. It was my decision. A fact that he reminds me all the time if money is short or Jason is acting up. Would he have gone after Jason if I hadn't been in the picture? Honestly, I don't think he would have. I think he would have let it go. I think he would have said that it wasn't his responsibility. Now that doesn't mean that he doesn't totally accept and love Jason. He does. Just that if we could go back in time and I wasn't there, he would not have made the same decision.

I'm a very very lucky woman. You see, my husband supports me no matter what. I do him as well.

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Mommy, Where are My Baby Pictures?

A simple question for most mothers but for me it’s a hard question when you have adopted an older child. Yes, we got Jason when he was 3 years old. But when I'm showing Faith her baby pictures, I don't have his. The look on his face killed me. He looked like I had punched him in the stomached. The county was supposed to give us a memory book since he was in foster care from 3 months old until we got him. We have nothing from him. Yes, we have pictures of him from when he was with us. He wants to see pictures of himself as a baby. He wants to see me holding him as a baby. He doesn't remember everything even now. He remembers a lot though. I hugged him close and told him that we love him. We talked again about how he is in our family because we love him. You see that’s the reason for the name of the website. My family is made from our hearts. One of the problems with adopting an older child is the connection that needs to be built. Oh, we love him and he loves us. But it took time to have that happen.

Can you imagine what it feels like to wonder why you aren't with your biological parents? Will I ever be able to fully explain that? No, I don't think so. All I can do is keep telling him how much we love him. Tell him that we are the most fortunate people in the world because we found him. Some day he will understand but how much can I expect a four year old to understand.

If anyone has an idea of how to make him comfortable about lack of pictures please leave me a comment.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Marcus Feisel - So Sad

Marcus
Today marks 3 years since 3 year old Marcus Feisel was killed.

Marcus Fiesel's foster parents knew all along their missing boy was dead, say Hamilton County prosecutors.

They knew, prosecutors say, because Liz and David Carroll Jr. left the 3-year-old alone for two days in a locked closet while they attended a family reunion. They knew because David Carroll later burned and hid Marcus' body.

They knew even as they cried before TV cameras, begging the community to help them find the missing boy.

That is the story authorities told Monday after charging the Carrolls with Marcus' death. The story is starkly different from the one the Carrolls told for 14 days.

"Everyone was aware, everyone covered up," said Hamilton County Prosecutor Joe Deters at a press conference, flanked by Hamilton County Sheriff Simon Leis and Clermont County Prosecutor Don White.

"It really is one of the most heartless things I've ever seen," Deters said. "The bottom line is you wouldn't treat a dog like this."

Leis added, "In my 35 years involved in law enforcement, this is the worst I've seen."

A Hamilton County grand jury indicted the Carrolls on Monday on charges of involuntary manslaughter and two charges of child endangering, one for putting Marcus' safety at risk, the other for excessive restraint over a prolonged period of time.

David Carroll Jr., 29, also was charged with gross abuse of a corpse, accused of burning the body in Brown County.

Deters said those charges are preliminary, meant to hold the Carrolls during the investigation.

He said more serious charges are expected.

Both are being held in the Hamilton County Justice Center.

Bond is expected to be set at an arraignment today.

Under the charges filed Monday, Liz Carroll, 30, could face up to 23 years in prison. David Carroll Jr. could face up to 24 years in prison.

Prosecutors say they believe the boy's body was burned in Brown County and the remains were later dumped in or near the Ohio River.

Investigators spent Monday evening searching for Marcus' remains in Brown County at a two-story stone chimney, all that's left of a home on Marriott Road that burned years ago, said the owner of the property.

"We never smelled any smoke," said Mike Cales, 37, owner of the 85-acre property. His home is on the opposite side of the property from the chimney.

But he smelled smoke late Monday as he hovered near the chimney after investigators left.

"It just breaks my heart," said Paula Greer, the sister of David Carroll Jr.'s stepmother and the cousin of his mother, Debra Hounshell. "That's not how I wanted it to turn out. I wanted him to be picked up.

"My God," she said. "I didn't even think about him being burnt. That is the most horrible thing.

"My family is so torn apart. ... They lied. They lied. They lied," she said.

"I wanted him to be found alive," said Cherice Adkins, who is a second cousin and stepsister of David Carroll Jr. "I did. But I knew in my heart he was already dead.

"He was just an innocent baby," Adkins said. "I am so upset I cannot breathe."

The Clermont County Department of Job and Family Services took the Carrolls' four children into custody Monday.

Marcus' birth mother could not be reached for comment.

Thousands of people searched for Marcus since Aug. 15, when Liz Carroll said she fainted in Juilfs Park in Anderson Township and Marcus wandered off.

That same day Marcus had an appointment with Women, Infants and Children, a health and nutritional program for low-income children under the age of 5.

As the days slipped by there was no sign of the little boy, who was placed in the Carrolls' care in April because Marcus was found wandering in the street the night of April 22. The Carrolls were paid $1,000 a month to care for the little boy, who was developmentally delayed and suffered from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. He had the mental capacity of a 12- to 18-month old.

Liz Carroll told The Enquirer on Aug. 21 that neither she nor her husband hurt Marcus.

As time went by, authorities grew suspicious of the Carrolls.

No witnesses corroborated their story. No one other than Liz Carroll reported seeing Marcus in the park.

"Within a couple of days I knew full well that boy was never in the woods," Leis said.

But the Carrolls stuck to their story.

"They lied to the bitter end," Deters said.

Grand jury break
A break came Monday after the case went to a grand jury, Deters said.

He said investigators gathered information that showed the couple left their Union Township rental home the afternoon of Friday, Aug. 4, for Liz Carroll's family reunion in Williamstown, Ky., leaving Marcus in a small closet inside a playpen-type crib with no food or water, just an electric fan.

"They intentionally left him there," Deters said.

The Carrolls returned home at 7 a.m. Sunday to find Marcus dead, Deters said.

David Carroll Jr. then took Marcus' body to an abandoned house in Brown County and burned it, Deters said.

Four days later the Carrolls told a caseworker Marcus was ill, turning her away, Deters said. That gave them five days to cook up the tale they told in Juilfs Park.

Authorities said the hoax ultimately worked against them because they started to contradict themselves in their public statements.

"The more they talk the better off we are," Leis said.

Hamilton County Coroner O'dell Owens, who was reached while on vacation and was not involved with the case Monday, said heat, not the lack of food and water, likely killed Marcus.

The high temperatures Aug. 4 through the Aug. 6 ranged from 87 to 92 degrees.

Children are more vulnerable then adults, but typically it is possible to go three days without food and water, Owens said.

"In a closet, you are going to get very little heat exchange," Owens said. "He also may not have been fully hydrated. It may not have taken three days; he could have been gone in 24 hours; that closet could have gotten up to 105, 110 degrees and that's heat stroke area.

"It doesn't take that long," Owens said.

Deters said investigators decided to use the grand jury because witnesses are questioned under oath. If they lie, it can mean up to five years in prison.

Prosecutors often use that tactic to get witnesses and suspects talking.

Deters said various witnesses were called, but grand jury proceedings are secret.

Arrest times suggest Liz Carroll was called to the grand jury and her husband was not.

Liz Carroll was arrested at the prosecutor's office at 2 p.m., but David Carroll was arrested at the Clermont County home on Mount Carmel-Tobasco Road where the couple was staying.

Amy Baker, David's girlfriend who lived with him and his wife in Union Township, knew Marcus lived with the family and attended the reunion without Marcus, according to relatives.

She was not charged.

"She still may be," Deters said. "We're continuing to investigate. A decision will be made in the next 10 days."

Deters would not say whether Baker testified or say who else was called.

Shortly after charges were filed, investigators did another search of the Carrolls' Valley Wood Drive home in Union Township.

Caseworkers angered
Jann Heffner, executive director of Butler County Children Services Board, sent out a prepared statement, saying caseworkers were "saddened and outraged" by Marcus's death.

"Marcus was a wonderful child who had a great deal of promise. His death has devastated our entire agency - especially those caseworkers and supervisors who had the pleasure of knowing him personally. We grieve for Marcus and those who loved him," the statement said.

Deters said Marcus should never have been placed with the Carrolls.

An agency called Lifeway for Youth, a faith-based private agency, recruited and trained the Carrolls and recommended them to Butler County authorities when they needed a place for Marcus.

Lifeway is now under investigation by the state.

Local counties have halted placements through Lifeway.

State Sen. Gary Cates of West Chester said the state needs to answer questions about how Marcus ended up with the Carrolls. "If there is a problem in the system, I want to change the law to get the system fixed," he said. "If there is a problem with somebody in the bureaucracy who messed up, I want to find out who messed up.

"I want to find out who failed in this situation," Cates said.

Proud of community
Deters said people in the community, the thousands who searched, may feel betrayed, but they shouldn't.

"I've never been more proud of law enforcement," Deters said. "And I've never been more proud of the community at large."

Many of those who helped search for Marcus held a candlelight vigil at the Carrolls' former residence Monday night.

Late into the night the crowd left, but left behind messages of sadness.

Candles, no longer lit, were placed in the shape of a heart and Marcus' initials, M and F.

Three bouquets of flowers and stuffed animals lay in front of the house.

Kandy Meadors, who lived down the street from the Carrolls' rental house and whose 11-year-old son occasionally played with the Carroll children, said it was hard to understand how parents could harm a child.

"I can't believe this. I just can't comprehend it," she said. "All mothers will cry over this, every mother on the street is crying."

Meadors' husband, Ed, said after Marcus disappeared, he occasionally saw the Carrolls drive by.

"They'd just wave and smile, drinking their Mountain Dew," Ed Meadors said. "I hope they get what they deserve."

Staff writers Eileen Kelley, Quan Truong, Sheila McLaughlin and Dan Horn contributed from Cincinnati.com.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Blessings

Today since its Sunday. My thoughts have turned to my blessings. I am so lucky to have what I have in my life. When I was 18 years old, I had to be rushed into the emergency room. That was the beginning of the endometrosis cycle that I call it that lead to my infertility. I was married to a wonderful man named Michael when I turned 18 years old. His life was very short but I was blessed to have known him. He taught me how important life really is. He never complained. He always asked people how they were. Never once telling them just how badly he felt. I learned unconditional love through him. He loved everyone and enjoyed his life. He taught me to value all of the special moments in life.

Then when I was 23 years old, I had my hysterectomy. I remember crying and thinking that I would never have any kids. If I had only known what today would hold. For the next 9 years, I dated off and on. Different people. Never really thought much of it. I mean why get married since I couldn't have kids. I mourned Michael during that time as well.

The fateful night came that I was at a friend's house when my future husband walked in. I thought he was fun. He was 11 years younger than me. And that meant he was going to be a playmate not a future for me. Well low and behold, I ended up married to him. Except not before we almost split right before the marriage. And he being a man and thinking it was over turned to a close friend of mine. Now I had practically helped raise her during the years with Michael so it was a shock to me. Well it was a one night thing so they both have told me.

So the wedding plans were back on. She calls him to tell him that she is pregnant and if he doesn't want the baby she will abort it. Well, my prayers were answered. How could I say no and there was no way that he could. We ended up with our daughter, Faith, 8 months after we got married. So here I am 38 years old and a brand new mommy to a brand new baby. We brought her home from the hospital. I still can't believe how that worked out.

I went through the process in the court system to make her legally mine. The process is called step-parent adoption. Basically, we had to have three lawyers. One to protect my rights, One to protect my husband's rights and one to protect her biological mom's rights. Then Faith had to have a GAL (Guardian Attorney Litem) basically someone to protect her rights as well. Someone has to speak to the welfare of the child as well. She became legally mine.

We were going along life just having fun when we found out that Faith's biological mom had another child, Jason. Jason was now in foster care which I found out by looking at Faith's biological aunt's Myspace. I can't believe that someone would put that on a Myspace but they did. Apparently, her mom gave him to his aunt when he was one month old. Her aunt had him until he was 2 1/2 years old. Thats when the court system stepped in and took him away from his aunt. Now he was in foster care. So we stepped up to begin the process of adopting him through foster care. I will talk about that later on.

Ok so now I have two wonderful children, Jason and Faith. They are biological half sister and brother. So they look alike. How lucky can I get. My husband and I are blessed.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Difficult Day

Jason wants more attention tonight than usual. We just talked about me and Faith becoming his real family..his forever family. He started crying and wanted to know what he did so wrong that his original mommy and daddy didn't want him. As usual, I told him that he was a wonderful little boy and that he did nothing wrong. That his parents were ill. I hugged and cuddled him and told him that we would always love him no matter what. For the first time in a very long time, he pushed me away.. it almost broke my heart in two. He doesn't deserve to be hurting like this. How can someone his age even comprehend what he is going through? How can parents do this to their own children? I feel so helpless when I see what he feels. Its as plain as the nose on his face. I want to help him but at the same time I know he has to process it himself. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes just how very much we love him already. Faith told me that she can't imagine living without him in our lives. Quite frankly neither can I.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Jason

We start the foster care program back in October 2007. It has been the hardest thing we have ever gone through. When they say they want foster care parents, they are really saying they want perfect people. We definitely aren't. I'm not the typical mommy. We only did it because my daughter's half brother was in foster care. We wanted him so that they could grow up together. We did not want to take the chance of losing him in the system.

So we started the process. First thing we had to do was go through 10 weeks of training. The class was once a week for 3 hours each time. Now my husband has ADD so keeping him in still was next to impossible during that time. As you will learn as you read my blog, he also says whatever is on his mind at the time. Now most people love him so thats good. He loves people. And he will talk about anything that comes up. Unfortunately, I can also say the wrong things at the wrong time. I'm shy which doesn't help matter so people don't get the chance to really know me. I would think by the end of the class they knew my husband by his name. I was just his wife.

Ok during the training, we have to have various things we have to do such as: credit checks, FBI checks, criminal background checks, personal references, get the house ready which means totally revamping the house which is small, and take extra classes. Did I mention that I was working at home as a recruiter and my husband had to work 40-60 hours at his job as a plumber while this was going on? Not to mention taking care of everything at home as well. We were a little nuts and exhausted. I was wondering if they wanted our first born by now.

Finally in April, we get to meet Jason. We start seeing him once a week. We think everything is going great. We are painting his room and buying things for him by now. Nothing bad was mentioned to us yet. I should have known that it was coming. Our credit is not perfect and neither of us had the perfect childhood. At the end of June, our caseworker goes on vacation. We get to meet her supervisor who tells me, "The next meeting is coming up and anyone that wants a 3 year old little boy can be there to try and get him." Ok now.... This was a total shock. We thought we were a shoe in. She's telling us not to plan anything at all for him.

So the our original caseworker comes back from vacation a week later and sits down with me. My husband is watching the kids and we are at Chuckie Cheeses. She tells me that they have decided to appoint a Guardian Litem to the case because they don't want to make a decision. She then tells me that all the comments in our report don't make sense. There are remarks that my husband fell asleep during the training and said some things that were inappropriate. She can't tell me the remarks because the trainers wouldn't tell them. Ok like I said, my husband says things just out of the blue. That doesn't surprise me. I was worried about that to start with. Now my husband was also sick at one of the meetings and yes he closed his eyes. Now I'm reeling from this. Then she tells me that the current foster mom might be interested in keeping Jason. I was devestated. My heart literally felt like it was crushed. She tells me at this point that its a 50/50 chance that we will get him. She tells me to stop preparing ourselves for him because we may not get him.

I tell my husband about all of this. Now he's pretty laid back typically. Well he's not this time. He's as crushed as me. He doesn't even want to talk to her because we feel like she has lied to us this entire time. She didn't claim anything was wrong. But we have to put on a brave face and not give anything away to Jason about how upset we are.

So a month later, we meet the Guardian Litem. He tells us that there are issues in the report but that he thinks we are the best possible situation. He is going to advise them that he should be placed in our homes. Its truly his decision. We are just so happy. So overjoyed to be getting our boy. I didn't know how much my husband wanted a son until now.

Now we go into the CPS and are told by the cabinet that they will begin the process of placing him into our house. He comes over the first time with the foster mom so that he knows that she is ok with it. Then she goes home

To continue later

Friday, July 17, 2009

I really do love him

I really do love him. Jason is such a wonderful child but could someone please slow him down? I just simply don't know how to handle it. He never stops. Faith and he are the complete opposites. I was used to this little girl that was calm and peaceful. Now I have a 4 year old that doesn't stop. I mean HE DOESN'T STOP! He is running or getting into trouble all the time. I thought Faith's 2's were bad. I had no clue what 4's would be like with Jason. He has times where he gets so mad. Now he is starting to hit. We went to the mall today and he hit 3 little girls. I have no clue why. I made him apologize and then put him in the corner for a while. If you can call it that, I made him sit next to me and watch everyone else play. I didn't think it would be fair to make Faith leave since she didn't do anything wrong.Oh well, that helped get the frustration out of my head so I'll go run again after him.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Memories of Michael

I was just thinking about my first husband, Michael. He was such a wonderful guy. Maybe that’s why I say that The Love She Found In Me is my favorite song of all time. He said that it was written about me. You wouldn't have known what Michael really was like unless you knew him. He was genuine. If he liked you, he would give you everything. If he didn't, well let just say that you didn't get to know him at all. With everyone that I know knew him, everyone liked him. He was one of those people that asked how you were not told you about how he was. Even in his darkest hours when he was so ill that I know how much pain he was in. He still would ask how someone was. He still cared about others. People were important to him. He wanted to bring joy to everyone. No matter who they were. He wanted people to smile. He wanted to be remembered as a good guy.

Michael was told when he was just 3 years old that they didn't expect him to live long. He had a hard childhood. He was born a diabetic. So he learned about needles long before anyone should. And then he learned tragedy at 8 years old when his mother passed away. Michael missed his mother more than anything in the world. In his final days, he often talked about how he wanted to talk to his mother again. To stand beside her in heaven. I know that he safe now. I know she is taking care of him. When his mother passed away, his father gave him up to foster care. His father was an alcoholic and didn't think he could raise Michael. Michael went in and out of foster care until he was 15 years old. He told me stories about foster care that made my blood run cold. He told me about the treatment he experienced by cruel sadistic foster parents. I guess that’s why I have no problem adopting my son from foster care. I want him to live a life unlike what Michael experienced. I hope that I'm saying a child from that.

I don't like to remember those things but they did teach me what to do in my future. I believe that I was supposed to know those things so that I could say my son, Jason. I believe that things happen for a reason. Unfortunately, I didn't have a clue I would have to get to be over 40 when they started happening. But who am I to question it? I'm not going to.

Ok, I got off the subject a little. Michael was a diamond in the rough. There was so much good about him. I don't think he realized. He used to tell me that he would have changed everything if he known me before it was too late. But it was too late. I couldn't have known that. I was 17 and in love with the most wonderful man. We got married and shortly thereafter he lost his eyesight. I had to work to support us. He had been a mechanic. He couldn't take the chance that he would forget something because he couldn't see it. So I worked and supported us. I took care of him through it all. I was blessed to have known him. He taught me that life was about living. He knew he was living on borrowed time. Take every moment and enjoy it. This is what I ask of you...remember to hug your kids every day and tell them that you love them. Cherish what you have. I think we all live on borrowed time..so make it worth it.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Aggravations

I was finally going to be able to really work again. I work at home. I was ready to commit myself to it full time. Since Jason came, I can't even work for an hour a day. I need to work to help support my family. We are in debt but I can't do anything. I am so frustrated and just don't understand the government. We can't adopt him for six months but the state pays nothing while we wait? They did not even give us time to the adjust to the fact that I can no longer work because he is here. They gave us no help financially at all. We don't even get daycare expenses. Although if we were just a foster family we would. It doesn't make sense at all. So we have lost my income which was substantial for someone who works from home. But its not worth it if I have to put a two children into daycare plus pay all the taxes that go with being self employed. Don't take me wrong..I love him to death but I simply can't afford not to work. Any ideas?