Keep my mouth shut or tell like it is

Ok lately I've been having a hard time writing anything. Every where. Since I went to Florida, I haven't wanted to write. Believe me its hard to believe even for me.


I keep giving the excuse that Jason has the beginning of the flu. I've been tired as heck for driving for 16 hours on 4 separate days in a week. I even found out that I had walking pneumonia this week. Like that's a surprise. And I found out that my sister is more like my mother than I realized.

But what it really comes down to is I'm sad. I miss my sister. I miss her dearly. I miss the strong independent little sister that I had. It’s been a week since I talked to her. I texted her after we left to tell her that I appreciate her having us there. I said that I was sorry for what happened because of her NOT because of him. I know that was not an apology for him. I do forgive him for what he did but only because God tells us to forgive. I simply refuse to put myself or my children in his path again. I can forget his snide remarks or what he did to my son by sticking things up my son’s nose. Oh he said he wasn’t drunk from what I heard. But I don’t know anyone that sticks things up a 4 year old little boy’s nose when they are sober.

For years, my brother in law has made snide little remarks to me. I think because I know what he did in the past. I apologized once in the past for things that I’ve said. I did this to clear the air so that I could see my sister. For years, I’ve tried to put it away but he continued with his comments. I tried to ignore him when we first came down. I know he wouldn't have said a freaking thing if my husband had been with us. Believe me, we appreciate the fact that we can stay at their house. My husband was always able to calm me down every time we went.

The first year they went down there. He literally put salt blocks in the citrine. He did this from what I heard so that his company would leave quickly. He MOVED my sister 16 hours away from us. He chose to do that not us. Every year we have scrimped and gone there to see them. We have added that expense to our lives so that we could see my sister and her family. We did not choose that. Money is tight but I needed to see my sister. I needed to see my nephews and niece.

I’m not going to go into the details of the disagreement only the part that is tearing me up. I miss my sister. I miss who she was. You see all of our childhood we talked about how my mother was so co-dependent. Now I see that she is as well. She is my best friend and I miss her dearly.