How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a lightbulb?

One!  ONLY ONE!!!  And do you know WHY?

Because no one else in this damn house knows HOW TO change a light bulb!

They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!

They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.

And, once they figured it out, the wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs

despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS!

But if they did, by some miracle of God,

actually find them 2 DAYS LATER,

the chair they dragged to stand on to

change the STUPID light bulb would

STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!!

AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!!

BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!

IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THOUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!!

IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!!!

I'm sorry...What was the question?

Marriage Jokes

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.  The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 a.m. for an early morning business flight to Chicago.  Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 a.m."

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 a.m., and that he had missed his flight.  Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.  It said, "It is 5:00 a.m., wake up." - found at 101FunJokes.com.

 

I'm inviting You all to Thanksgiving

NEW TURKEY RECIPE

Your dinner will be the talk of the TOWN!!
You should try this!
Sure to bring smiles from your guests!
Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving Turkey.

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully. (see attached picture for details)
3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.
4. Watch your guests' faces...

Real News Articles

Clean Jokes and Pics Blog

I just wanted to let you all know that I have another blog where I actually post jokes and humor pictures that I have either had emailed to me or found on the internet.  I keep my blogs separate because most of what you find on HeartsMakeFamilies is things that touch my heart like my kids' pictures, stories, and poems that I have written.  Sometimes it is about another blog that I have read and love.

The only reason that I am making this post is so that if you ever need to just laugh, please go read some of the jokes on my other blog, Clean Jokes and Pictures.  Yes, I kept it PG.  Well mostly.  Can't help if a few slide by me.  It's not that I'm driving anyone that way.  I simply have chosen to keep this blog because I have thousands of jokes that come my way.  I want to keep them somewhere so blog them I shall.

Daily Humor - Childbirth at 65

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked

'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.........?!!'