Mommy's Letter to Santa

Santa,

I've been a good mommy most of the year.  I have taken care of my family.  Yes yes I have even taken care of the monsters.  Oh wait you don't want to hear me call them that do you?  Well tooo bad.  It is what it is.  Monster #1 is complaining because her doll has no clothes.  I think its more important that the monster itself is clothed.  Monster #2 is singing every little piece of Christmas music he knows.  Could you please let him know just one complete song?  I can't handle the We wish you a Jingle Bell Jingle Bell Batman smells smelly feet oh well chorus much longer.

I've done the dirty deeds.  I've cleaned the toilet and done the laundry.  I've done dishes that scare even me.  I've cleaned up messes and made beds.  I have even given my husband some.  Well he has to be happy about something doesn't he? 

Yesterday I would have asked you for a bowl full of money.  But today I realize that you have given me so much.  I have wonderful psychotic kids and a loving well mostly husband.  I have wonderful friends.  The very best followers whose well wishes touch my heart daily.  We all have our health.  So the things that I am asking for...please spread them out over a few years.  I know they are big wishes so it could take longer.

Wish One - Please continue to give my family and friends good health.  That is extremely important to me.  Quite frankly, money could not buy that for me.  Please find a cure to everyone's illnesses.  Don't let cancer, aids, diabetes, or anything else take another life from this earth.  Ok well if God wants them for an angel.. I know thats not suppose to stop.  But if the devil wants them because they are evil..then let that one slide by to the devil's gate.  But if that person who is dieing is an angel on earth please let them live on.  We so need the angels that are on earth.  We need them to remind us how precious our lives really are. 

Ok I shouldn't ask for more but..here we go.

Wish Two - I'd like a waist line again please.  I don't know where you misplaced mine but can I have it back?  My husband is getting sick of holding onto these "love handles".  Why do they call them love handles?  Quite frankly, I don't love them.  I'm sure that my husband doesn't but he keeps telling me that I look good in those jeans.  You know the ones where my love handles hang out?  I love the turkey but I know a fib when I hear it.  Ok so he tells me I look good in them.. and instead of me changing clothes and finding something that does look good on me.. I wore those out in public.  Give me a break.  I'd rather hear the truth than look goofy in public.

Wish Three - Could you please in your spare time create walls that can't be colored on?  Yes I know that Crayola says that their crayons don't color on walls and furniture but... I've been the one to scrub them until I thought my arms would fall off.  Ohh while you are creating the walls.. can you create the furniture that can't be as well?  When you do, could you also make them non stickable?  I can't stand peeling off all these stickers.  Ok if you can't manage this, could you please make the furniture cheaper?  That would mean I could easily replace it.

Wish Four - Could you please help the manufacturers of Toyota to create a new car that has mommy features?  I love their new cars.  Truly I do.  But I would love one that would separate the kids from each other.  Maybe a glass compartment for each child?  In this glass compartment, each child would have their own radio with whatever music they like.  Now this means that the mommy would be able to listen to their own music.  Wow I love that thought.  No preschool music on the radio.  No Christmas music in October to drive my mother insane.  Oh while you are at it, can you create a mute button for the kids?

Wish Five - Can you create a perfect child for me?  One that makes me feel like a good mommy.  I dream of having a child listen to me and actually does what I want them too.  Ok scratch this wish please.  You see, I want my children to stand up for themselves.  If I have to be the unwilling participant so be it.  Can you at least install a chip in their brains that lets them hear me?  I swear they don't hear me when I'm hollering.  No No That's Wrong.  OR Stop That.  OR I said Stop that. OR No eating in your rooms!  I hate repeating myself so maybe a recorder with it on it will work too.  Push a button hear your mother.  Oh I just scared the begesus out of me.

Wish Six - Can you let me borrow the time machine that you use on Christmas Eve?  I just want to borrow it at least twice a week so that I can get all the stuff done that I need to do.  I could do the laundry, dishes, read the blogs, write... All that fun stuff you know.  Oh yes and to brush my hair.

Ok you have my list.  Please get on it as soon as possible.

P.S.  I could still use that bowl of money if you have it spare.