Friday, November 20, 2009

A Single Moment in Time

I'm going to join Mama's Losin It in her writer's workshop this week.  Yes it was Thursday but I still felt like writing this.  In the workshop, she wanted us to share a journal entry from when we were 13 years old.  Well I don't have the journal but I can remember it clearly.  I can remember my thoughts and how I felt.



I was sitting on the desk talking with my friend, Cathy, when he walked up to me. I was 14 years old. I wasn't a slim teenager but I was a buxom one. Michael walked up to me and asked me if I had seen the soccer game yesterday. I said, "Yes". He asked what I thought. Did I think they could have done better?


I remembered thinking. Why is he asking me these questions? Why is he talking to me? I'm 14 years old. He's 18 years old for goodness sakes. He's hot and I'm plain. I'm a plain Jane with teeth that need braces but I know I won't get them. I'm wearing a dumpy shirt and jeans. I'm nothing spectacular. He is. He could have any girl he wanted. At least that’s what I thought.

We continued talking. He asked if I wanted to go for a walk. WOW me go for a walk with him. What does he want? Will he kiss me? We went walking through the park. He reached for my hand and brought it to his lips. I was a goner. The second he touched my hand, my heart began to pound heavily. My brain went to mush.

Again the questions came, why is he talking to me? Why me of all people? From the day forward, we were inseparable. He was very patient with me. He was careful about not crossing lines. We were best friends. I could share anything I wanted with him. We talked about how the kids treated me in school. We talked about my studies. We talked about his work as a mechanic. We talked and talked and talked.

One day, he got really mad and he left. I didn't understand. When he came back, he apologized for being mad but now I wanted to know why. He said that he was older than me and sometimes it was simply so hard to wait for me to grow up. Honestly I had no clue what he was talking about. I was soon to find out though. He told me that he had always wanted me. That it was hard to just be friends. We decided to take our relationship to a deeper level. I was 16 now and we had to discuss it with my parents. He was 20. My parents weren't happy about it but they let us be.

How could I have known that moment that he touched my hands when I was 14 years old that my heart would be gone? That I would love him so much that I would give up all to take care of him? How was I supposed to even know that one day I would marry him?

I did marry him when I turned 18 years old on my sister’s birthday. We loved each other more than any other. We talked about everything and nothing. I learned so much about him. And then his illness took over. He lost his eyesight a month after we got married. He had to quit working. I had to go to work full time to support us. I did it with joy. I walked away from a four year scholarship to take care of the man that I loved.

He taught me that life was about living. He knew that he was living on borrowed time. I was so young I didn’t believe something could take him from me. He lost his kidneys to the disease shortly after losing his eyesight. For years I watched him suffer without telling anyone. Without showing how much it hurt to others. He would ask how another was and not mention how he was. I was the only one who knew how much pain he was in. He never hid anything from me. He told me that honesty was the most important trait to someone you love. He told me that he would never hide anything. And he told me that he wanted me to live a full and happy life after he died. The day he told me that I ran. I just took off running. I left him at home knowing he would be ok. I didn’t want to accept that he would leave me one day.

I miss him still.
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Ok enough of that… remember he taught me to live my life to the fullest. What I’m going to ask you all is that you hug your loved one tight and love them. Cherish them.



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19 comments:

Clueless_Mama said...

Hello there. This post is beautiful. Is is true? It made me very sad for you. It really was a beautiful post.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Oh, honey...that was a phenomenal post. I can't imagine going through something like that....makes me love you even more that you shared something that special.

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

This is a true story. But don't feel sad for me. He died 20 years ago September but I couldn't do the assignment without talking about him. It would have been impossible. He passed away when I was 23 years old.

I know that he's in a good place. I know that he was loved as much as I could back then. I have done what he requested I have lived on. I have a new family not one that replaces him but a new one. It makes my family even more precious because I know what loss is.

Menopausal New Mom said...

Oh Tami, so heart breaking. Brought tears to my eyes and reminded me of watching my little brother die. Terrible, terrible and yes, I too learned to live life to the fullest, the most unhappy lesson I have ever had to learn. Thanks for sharing.

Ida Red (aka Richele) said...

So beautifully written and so touching. How blessed you were for the time you had with him and the lessons you learned. To have found love like that even for a brief moment, I am sure was worth it. Your post is truly amazing!

Theta Mom said...

Tami, this was an amazing post. You have memories of this angel for the rest of yor life.

Noelle said...

oh, god, i have a lump in my throat. that is NOT how i was expecting the story to end. thank you for sharing your beautiful memories of your first love.

Jayne Martin said...

What a beautifully written piece. This is my first visit here and I will be back. I don't know how you found me on Twitter, but I'm glad you did and I will be following you right back.

yonca said...

This beautiful post brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing Tami! His memories will be always with you.

Heart2Heart said...

Tami,

What a beautiful and heartwarming post this was of a fairy tale come true for you. How wonderful to marry the man you fell in love with at 14 and to still carry that special love with you today. Thank you for sharing that with all of us.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Amy said...

That is an amazing story. Thanks for sharing it. It is amazing what you can learn from people.

blueviolet said...

What a beautiful love you shared. That is such a touching post!

Helene said...

Tami, this post is beautiful! It brought tears to my eyes.

Vickie said...

Oh my goodness! This post puts stuff into perspective! Thank you for sharing:)

Also thank you for checking out my daughter's animal blog and following. I will be doing the same:)

JennyMac said...

Tami...what a touching and thoughtful post. What an experience for you. Thank you for sharing it so beautifully.

Ann's Rants said...

That is a beautiful, incredibly romantic post.

Thanks for sharing it.

Midday Escapades said...

Tami, thanks for sharing this post. You've really touched my heart today. What a reminder about precious life and time.

AudreyO said...

Wow, what a post. I just stumbled onto your blog this morning. Sounds like a relationship that was amazing!!

Angela said...

Whoa! What a captivating story. I was on the edge of my seat wondering what was going to happen and then....

Such a sad ending but I could have read it all night and was hoping it was going to continue. lol

You're a great writer and you obviously have a passion in this area. I really think you should write it all out... as a novel. It would be great. And filled with emotion and joy and anticipation and sadness. The real human experience, you know?