Holidays Blues Survival

Hey gang!  First of all thank you all for being so incredibly patient with me.  I guess I realized over this holiday that was crammed packed with activities that I do have sypmtoms of my dad's depression.  I know that I talked to you about how he handled them.  I will be back to posting regularly come tomorrow.  Lots and lots to share.  Lots..  Today was my husband's birthday so we are still celebrating.  See you all in the morning.

Things Children Say

Jack (age 3) was watching his mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.  After a while, he asked:  "Mom why have you got two?  Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

Steven (age 3) hugged and kissed his mom good night.  "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to buy your outside my bedroom window."

Susan (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.  "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

Marc (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant.  Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:  "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

A mother will never forget during a Sunday sermon, "Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended towards heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.  "Without you, we are but dust."  He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

NOTE:  I just found this in my emails.  I did not write it but I wanted to share it.

First Play

Faith looked so fantastic up there. I could tell that she was very nervous. But at the same time I could see that she was having a blast. I had so hoped that she did better at it then me. That was where I was absolutely awful. When we were practicing, I tried hard not to make her aware that I was no good in this area. Lots and lots of positive reinforcement. She sang with all of the class. She had a small solo. Hubs and I were amazed at how good she did. I am so proud of her. Faith was one adorable seahorse. There were sharks and tigerfish and angel fish. Everyone did a great job.

Merry Christmas to You All

Such joyous moments with my husband as we prepared for this morning.  Its midnight here and we are just finishing with the final touches.  It's a night of such wonderful glory.   We talked of the surprises that the kids would have tomorrow.  I went a little overboard this year since my family is in Florida.  His family decided not to do gifts for the kids this year so we are all they get.  Which is absolutely fine.  I just wanted it extra special.

From our hearts to yours, we wish you a Merry Christmas.

Twas the Day Before Christmas

Twas the Day before Christmas
My house is a thundering
The kids are all laughing
I'm wishing for peace

The presents weren't wrapped
The guests were arriving
While sugar and spice was flowing freely
I sprang from the kitchen to see what was lively

The kids were dancing with joy
I was in the kitchen annoyed
Together they sang
While I sat and prayed

Ok so its kinda way off key but its how I feel.  I'm praying that I catch up when the holidays are over.  I got down before but life goes on.  I have such blessings in my world.  Somebody unfollowed me today..waaaa.  I promise I'll be better.  Witty comments will fly.

Wordless Wednesday - My Wish

These pictures were taken last year in my backyard.  If you look closely, you will see the ice on the leaves.  The ice is finally warming from my heart as the season joy has finally settled into me.  My wish and hope for you all is that the ice will melt from all your hearts and all of those that you know.

Now I'm going visiting because I want to visit all of my friends.  If I don't get to your blog today, know that I will soon.  I have lots to catch up on.

Follow Me and MiddayEscapades...Get More Followers

Lynn over at Midday Escapades saw an idea on Rita at One 2 Try saw this brilliant idea on another blog, started one on her blog, then Lynn did, and now I am joining in and paying it forward on my blog. Let's all share some "follow" love and spread the good cheer. So if you are looking for more followers, want to help a fellow blogger get more followers, or would simply like to visit some new and interesting blogs, this is how we do it:

Use the MckLinky below to list your blog name and link to your blog or website. Then, follow the person who linked before you (or follow everyone listed). I will also follow every blog listed and would appreciate your follow back.   Please also link over to Lynn's and Rita's blog to link up there as well.  They are both awesome blogs to follow.

I'll keep the list going indefinitely and will put a link to it under my soon to be newly My Recommended Posts for all our future bloggy friends to use. And, feel free to grab my button code on the side there.

My heart goes out to those who have lost someone

Christmas time when I was growing up was never a good time. Oh don't get me wrong. We had joyous fun. My dad decorated the house with Christmas lights. In fact, one year he even won an award. His father used to decorate every year. We had tons and tons of presents. A lot of that had to do with my mother.

But I never really talk about the part that I always worried about. You see my dad obviously didn't enjoy the holiday and every year he did something to show us. Holidays were always upset by him at some point. When my parents split up, we saw even less of him during the holidays which didn't make sense since all of us kids were grown up and had kids. The five of us kids had pretty much mutually decided that my father simply didn't like the holidays for personal reasons. As a small child that is a very hard thing.

Last night as my father and his girlfriend, Fran (or as my kids call her Granny Fran) came over. We were sitting just talking when dad started talking about how he stayed out of his kids’ lives. The personal issues between each of us as well as any marital relationships that he believed that he didn’t have the right to say anything. Now he has said this throughout the years over and over so it wasn’t anything new. The new part came when he shared something about himself that I never knew. I’m 44 years old and never had this been spoken in front of me. My dad told me that he had just learned something new about himself. He told me that he now knew that us five kids believed that Christmas was a bad time for him. I quietly agreed with that. He told me that he was sorry that we felt that way but that the holidays are very hard on him. He was 17 years old when his brother died and sixteen months later, his father passed on as well. I watched as we spoke my father’s eyes fill with tears. My dad hardly ever shows emotion so it was very shocking for me. Yes he will hug you and tell you he loves you but it is very rare occasions. You simply know that he loves you.

My Grandpa

But it started me to thinking. My dad held all of this inside himself for all these years. I can name on one hand how many times he spoke of his brother or his father. He never got over it. He admitted that as much last night as I have ever seen. So I offered to have Christmas in July with him instead. We can go camping or fishing. We don’t need to do the holidays and hurt him more or maybe we do need to do them so that he remembers how much we love him as well.

My dad and Uncle Phil (Not sure about the others)

To those of you who have lost someone, either recently or in the past, please try to share your stories.  Please try to remember them with good memories.  I talk freely of my first husband, Michael.  Even though it hurts me.  By sharing these memories with others, you allow your loved one to live on in the hearts of others.

My heart goes out to you all.  God bless you all.

A Senior Christmas Poem

'Twas the night before Christmas at Rock-Away Rest,
And all of us seniors were looking our best.

Our glasses, how sparkly, our wrinkles, how merry;
Our punch bowl held prune juice plus three drops of sherry.

A bedsock was taped to each walker in hope,
That Santa would bring us soft candy and soap.

We surely were lucky to be there with friends,
Secure in this residence and in our Depends.

Our grandkids had sent us some Christmasy crafts,
Like angels in snowsuits and penguins on rafts.

The dental assistant had borrowed our teeth,
And from them she'd crafted a holiday wreath.

The bed pans, so shiny, all stood in a row,
Reflecting our candle's magnificent glow.

Our supper so festive -- the joy wouldn't stop --
Was creamy warm oatmeal with sprinkles on top.

Our salad was Jell-O, so jiggly and great,
Then puree of fruitcake was spooned on each plate.

The social director then had us play games,
Like "Where Are You Living?" and "What Are Your Names?"

Old Grandfather Looper was feeling his oats,
Proclaiming that reindeer were nothing but goats.

Our resident wand'rer was tied to her chair,
In hopes that at bedtime she still would be there.

Security lights on the new fallen snow
Made outdoors seem noon to the old folks below.

Then out on the porch there arose quite a clatter
(But we are so deaf that it just didn't matter).

A strange little fellow flew in through the door,
Then tripped on the sill and fell flat on the floor.

'Twas just our director, all togged out in red.
He jiggled and chuckled and patted each head.

We knew from the way that he strutted and jived
Our social security checks had arrived.

We sang -- how we sang -- in our monotone croak,
Till the clock tinkled out its soft eight-p.m. stroke.

And soon we were snuggling deep in our beds.
While nurses distributed nocturnal meds.

And so ends our Christmas at Rock-Away Rest.
Before long you'll be with us. We wish you the best

Hello God I hear you

Lately I have been MIA because I have been very down.  I don't like when my husband is upset with me.  I've posted most of the time.  Well I didn't yesterday.  As I was driving to get our food this morning from Angel Food Ministries.  If you remember, I talked about them originally here.  A song came on my radio that made me start thinking about how lucky I was. My heart literally leaped into my throat. I’ve been moaning about things lately that could be a lot worse. I’ve been moaning and forgetting who I am. I was forgetting how very lucky I have to have my kids. I was forgetting how very lucky that we have good health. I was forgetting what it was like to have nothing at all but love.


Well today as I drove, I thought about how good my life was. I thought about who I am. I thought about the love that I share with my husband. I thought about how blessed I am to known two such wonderful monsters children. I thought about all the things that had to happen for me to have children. I thought about the fact that I believe in miracles. I thought about how lucky I was to have shelter over my head. And then I thanked God for ever miracle that he has given me.

I thought about how fortunate I was to know my first love, Michael. I thought about all the evil that I have seen. I thought about the girl cashier that had tried to steal from Michael after he had gone blind. You see, Michael was one of the proudest men I ever met. We lived about a block from the store. When we first moved to the neighborhood, Michael had me walk him over and over to that store so that he could memorize the steps. I remember to this day exactly how many steps it took. It was 45 steps to turn on to Laurel Street. It was 115 steps to turn on Park Avenue. It was 75 steps to walk to the lights. Then he would listen for the cars to stop. Then it was 15 steps to cross the street. It was 75 steps to get into the store. And then we walked the store. He memorized where each product that we used was.

One day, he went to the store without me. He took $20 with him. He was going to buy bread and milk only. He came back with just that as well. I was home by then and he handed me his change. I said to him, “Michael, you only have $3.74 here. Did you buy something else?” He said, “That was supposed to be $15.74.” I can’t even begin to tell you how angry or upset I was. I can’t even begin to tell you how little I thought of mankind at that moment. Michael was furious. We went back to the store and talked to the manager. The cashier was fired on the spot. Michael, of course, recognized her voice. They checked the drawer. She hadn’t had time to take it out of the drawer yet. It was such an awful moment to think of.

But I digest. Even this story reminds me of how much I do have to appreciate. I have my health. I have my kids. I have my readers who I have been neglecting this week. I’m so sorry but I went deep into the dumps. My family is healthy. My extended family is healthy. Lord knows that I want my brother to be doing better. I have two wonderful new great nephews, Aiden and Alexander. The point is my life is good no matter how I want to compare.

So I am going to dust off these bad thoughts. I am going to follow my dreams. I am going to raise my kids to the best of my ability. I’m not Martha Stewart so it’s to the best of my ability.

To my followers: I am sorry that I haven’t been as active this week but I will catch up. I promise. Thank you for your support and comments. They have meant the world to me.

Thank you God for reminding me what I do have.

Mommy's Letter to Santa

Santa,

I've been a good mommy most of the year.  I have taken care of my family.  Yes yes I have even taken care of the monsters.  Oh wait you don't want to hear me call them that do you?  Well tooo bad.  It is what it is.  Monster #1 is complaining because her doll has no clothes.  I think its more important that the monster itself is clothed.  Monster #2 is singing every little piece of Christmas music he knows.  Could you please let him know just one complete song?  I can't handle the We wish you a Jingle Bell Jingle Bell Batman smells smelly feet oh well chorus much longer.

I've done the dirty deeds.  I've cleaned the toilet and done the laundry.  I've done dishes that scare even me.  I've cleaned up messes and made beds.  I have even given my husband some.  Well he has to be happy about something doesn't he? 

Yesterday I would have asked you for a bowl full of money.  But today I realize that you have given me so much.  I have wonderful psychotic kids and a loving well mostly husband.  I have wonderful friends.  The very best followers whose well wishes touch my heart daily.  We all have our health.  So the things that I am asking for...please spread them out over a few years.  I know they are big wishes so it could take longer.

Wish One - Please continue to give my family and friends good health.  That is extremely important to me.  Quite frankly, money could not buy that for me.  Please find a cure to everyone's illnesses.  Don't let cancer, aids, diabetes, or anything else take another life from this earth.  Ok well if God wants them for an angel.. I know thats not suppose to stop.  But if the devil wants them because they are evil..then let that one slide by to the devil's gate.  But if that person who is dieing is an angel on earth please let them live on.  We so need the angels that are on earth.  We need them to remind us how precious our lives really are. 

Ok I shouldn't ask for more but..here we go.

Wish Two - I'd like a waist line again please.  I don't know where you misplaced mine but can I have it back?  My husband is getting sick of holding onto these "love handles".  Why do they call them love handles?  Quite frankly, I don't love them.  I'm sure that my husband doesn't but he keeps telling me that I look good in those jeans.  You know the ones where my love handles hang out?  I love the turkey but I know a fib when I hear it.  Ok so he tells me I look good in them.. and instead of me changing clothes and finding something that does look good on me.. I wore those out in public.  Give me a break.  I'd rather hear the truth than look goofy in public.

Wish Three - Could you please in your spare time create walls that can't be colored on?  Yes I know that Crayola says that their crayons don't color on walls and furniture but... I've been the one to scrub them until I thought my arms would fall off.  Ohh while you are creating the walls.. can you create the furniture that can't be as well?  When you do, could you also make them non stickable?  I can't stand peeling off all these stickers.  Ok if you can't manage this, could you please make the furniture cheaper?  That would mean I could easily replace it.

Wish Four - Could you please help the manufacturers of Toyota to create a new car that has mommy features?  I love their new cars.  Truly I do.  But I would love one that would separate the kids from each other.  Maybe a glass compartment for each child?  In this glass compartment, each child would have their own radio with whatever music they like.  Now this means that the mommy would be able to listen to their own music.  Wow I love that thought.  No preschool music on the radio.  No Christmas music in October to drive my mother insane.  Oh while you are at it, can you create a mute button for the kids?

Wish Five - Can you create a perfect child for me?  One that makes me feel like a good mommy.  I dream of having a child listen to me and actually does what I want them too.  Ok scratch this wish please.  You see, I want my children to stand up for themselves.  If I have to be the unwilling participant so be it.  Can you at least install a chip in their brains that lets them hear me?  I swear they don't hear me when I'm hollering.  No No That's Wrong.  OR Stop That.  OR I said Stop that. OR No eating in your rooms!  I hate repeating myself so maybe a recorder with it on it will work too.  Push a button hear your mother.  Oh I just scared the begesus out of me.

Wish Six - Can you let me borrow the time machine that you use on Christmas Eve?  I just want to borrow it at least twice a week so that I can get all the stuff done that I need to do.  I could do the laundry, dishes, read the blogs, write... All that fun stuff you know.  Oh yes and to brush my hair.

Ok you have my list.  Please get on it as soon as possible.

P.S.  I could still use that bowl of money if you have it spare.

Wordless Wednesday - Christmas Decorations

Varuummm

My tree

The little village.  Its so cute.. see the little people

The snow globe.  I love love snow men.  This was given to me by my mom years ago.

My Santa.. see his beard glowing?

The little tree and Santa on the island that separates the rooms

The best Christmas decorations of all...my kids

My mom with my kids..see the bare feet?  These are pictures of my mom's pre Christmas with the kids before she left for Florida this year.

Jason so excited cuz he got a dollar

Faith says "Mom this doll is naked."

Oh there are her clothes.  This was my mom's Christmas with the kids

The gift for Jason from Walmart.  See the label in the lower corner?

And the packing list on this one?  Gotta love it when their best toy for the year comes unwrapped.  Proof positive Walmart.

Post It Note Tuesdays

Once again I am joining SupahMommy with Post Its Tuesday.  I absolutely love these.  Now if you would like to join us, please do.  I actually adore doing these.  If you need help learning how to make your very own post-its, please go here.

So what's on my mind?  Ok that could be scary.  And away we go.

I hope you enjoyed my Post-It Thoughts.  Wow I love these.  Please be sure to join us and link up with SupahMommy.

Blogging as is not an income driver

I don’t want to depress everyone... especially since it's the holiday but I need to talk about this.  I'm broke.  FLAT BROKE.  That means see the wallet above?  That is what mine looks like.  That means when I open my blog each morning and post, I wonder if my husband is going to turn off the internet.  You see, he honestly doesn't think this blog is worth anything.  It's not that he doesn't support my dreams.  It is the fact that this blog has paid me absolutely nothing.  It is the fact that he wants me to make some kind of money.  I know.  I know.  I can't do much with Jason in the house.  He doesn't go anywhere.  I can't find a paying job that pays enough to fill the bill.  If I get a phone job at home, guess who starts making a lot of noise?  I tried that.  It didn't work.  If I could find a data entry job at home, I get outbid.  Have you tried Odesk.com?  I have.  It stinks trying to figure out how to outbid people that will work for $1.00 an hour.  I so am not kidding.  So trying to find a non phone..data entry or writing job is hard to do.

I found my dream job at home 4 years ago.  I was working as a trainer for a recruiting service.  And guess what, I made what I made when I was working in brick and mortar.  I put in more hours than I care to admit but Faith was going to school at the time.  And no Jason yet.  Then they went belly up about 2 years ago.  I haven't had a paycheck coming in the door for 2 years.  It is not cutting it.

I am hereby coming out and saying.. I'm broke.  I LOVE...  I do mean love to write.  It has been one of the best things I have ever done.  But I hate being broke.  I hate not having money.  I hate worrying paycheck to paycheck if I will be able to afford food, electricity or water.  I hate worrying about paying my mortgage.  I hate the fact that there are so many people out there in the same exact boat as me.  I worry non-stop.  I go to sleep worrying.  I wake up worrying.  I have nightmares about it.  Let me tell you it is no fun.

So I started writing this blog to start blowing off steam and keep a journal about my kids.  I found this awesome world.  I found incredibly awesome bloggy friends.  I read more stories and laughed harder than I have in years.  I want to continue doing it as well.  But...

My husband's salary pays for the bare necessities with nothing to spare.  My credit has fallen to the wayside.  I have made $.00 for this blog so far.  But I LOVE writing this blog.  I LOVE it more than I have ever loved anything.  So much so that I have considered writing a book once again.  You see when I was little I wanted to be a writer.  I grew up and I forgot.  Now I remember.  But the thing is.. can I afford to continue?

I make no money.  Paid posts are now coming to the forefront of my mind.  Google ads may show up on my RSS feed.  This is so that I can continue writing this blog.  So please please don't quit following me if I do.  You may see new ads showing up on my blog as well.  I have to justify me doing this some how.  In the meantime, please I'm not doing this to just spam or annoy you.  I need the money.  I wish I could find advertisers for the blog but I have no clue how to do that.  But at the same time, I have to be able to feel right about that advertisement if I do.  I will not change who I am even for money.

I can't change who I am either.  I write about anything.  Lately I've realized that I stay away from certain topics and don't know why.  I tell jokes.  Ok, most of my stuff is PG rated though.  I think that's because I know my family and friends read it.  But... I'm not always PG myself.  I want to write things that make you want to come read me.  I want to get to know you and I want you to know me.  I want to connect with you.  That connection does not come from money though.

Ok so what I'm asking from all my bloggy friends.. if you have found solutions to blogging and making a living off of it, please leave me a comment about how.  I would so love to do this blog full time but right now I'm just not able to.  My husband wants me to go back to work.  I can't blame him.  Though it does not make sense.  I really appreciate any support you do give me at any time.

Thank you for listening to me complain.

P.S.  I am so far behind in my blog reading and commenting but I will get to you as long as I have electricity sometime soon.

Menopause Jewelry

My husband, being unhappy with my menopausal mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns a beautiful blue-green.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond (hint, hint!)

Reasons to NOT let your husband cut your child's hair

My husband gave Jason a hair cut Saturday while I was gone.  I told him that he had to redo it.  That I was embarrassed to be seen with Jason because he looked like a Kmart special.

Poor kid.. looks like a bowl cut

See the curly cues??  They are going down his back

What's up with this??  Its not even...

Can you see it?  He still has hair on his face where Ken did not cut it off.

Kmart special in aisle 1