Lately I have been MIA because I have been very down. I don't like when my husband is upset with me. I've posted most of the time. Well I didn't yesterday. As I was driving to get our food this morning from Angel Food Ministries. If you remember, I talked about them originally here. A song came on my radio that made me start thinking about how lucky I was. My heart literally leaped into my throat. I’ve been moaning about things lately that could be a lot worse. I’ve been moaning and forgetting who I am. I was forgetting how very lucky I have to have my kids. I was forgetting how very lucky that we have good health. I was forgetting what it was like to have nothing at all but love.
Well today as I drove, I thought about how good my life was. I thought about who I am. I thought about the love that I share with my husband. I thought about how blessed I am to known two such wonderful monsters children. I thought about all the things that had to happen for me to have children. I thought about the fact that I believe in miracles. I thought about how lucky I was to have shelter over my head. And then I thanked God for ever miracle that he has given me.
I thought about how fortunate I was to know my first love, Michael. I thought about all the evil that I have seen. I thought about the girl cashier that had tried to steal from Michael after he had gone blind. You see, Michael was one of the proudest men I ever met. We lived about a block from the store. When we first moved to the neighborhood, Michael had me walk him over and over to that store so that he could memorize the steps. I remember to this day exactly how many steps it took. It was 45 steps to turn on to Laurel Street. It was 115 steps to turn on Park Avenue. It was 75 steps to walk to the lights. Then he would listen for the cars to stop. Then it was 15 steps to cross the street. It was 75 steps to get into the store. And then we walked the store. He memorized where each product that we used was.
One day, he went to the store without me. He took $20 with him. He was going to buy bread and milk only. He came back with just that as well. I was home by then and he handed me his change. I said to him, “Michael, you only have $3.74 here. Did you buy something else?” He said, “That was supposed to be $15.74.” I can’t even begin to tell you how angry or upset I was. I can’t even begin to tell you how little I thought of mankind at that moment. Michael was furious. We went back to the store and talked to the manager. The cashier was fired on the spot. Michael, of course, recognized her voice. They checked the drawer. She hadn’t had time to take it out of the drawer yet. It was such an awful moment to think of.
But I digest. Even this story reminds me of how much I do have to appreciate. I have my health. I have my kids. I have my readers who I have been neglecting this week. I’m so sorry but I went deep into the dumps. My family is healthy. My extended family is healthy. Lord knows that I want my brother to be doing better. I have two wonderful new great nephews, Aiden and Alexander. The point is my life is good no matter how I want to compare.
So I am going to dust off these bad thoughts. I am going to follow my dreams. I am going to raise my kids to the best of my ability. I’m not Martha Stewart so it’s to the best of my ability.
To my followers: I am sorry that I haven’t been as active this week but I will catch up. I promise. Thank you for your support and comments. They have meant the world to me.
Thank you God for reminding me what I do have.