Thursday, August 27, 2009

Their Biological Mom

I thought I would talk about their biological mom so that you could see their story a little more. Marsha and her brother were raised by her father and mother at first. When she was five years old, her mother took off and disappeared from her life. Marsha's mother had mental issues and always thought someone was after her. Later we would find out that she ran to Florida. This was when I met Marsha. I was dating my soon to be first husband, Michael. Marsha's father was a druggy so he would soon lose custody of Marsha. Her aunt wanted her to have a chance in her life so she went after her. Marsha excelled during the time that she was in her aunt's care. She did well in school. She had friends for the first time.

Her father kept going to see her sporadically. There was nothing steady in his time that he would see her. Marsha started to resent her aunt for having taken her. Remember, she is a little girl that simply wants her daddy. She doesn’t understand why she isn’t with him. He keeps telling her things like “You can come live with me soon” or “I love you so much. I will get it together and take you home.” She didn’t understand everything because her brother was still living with her father. Why wasn’t she? In actual fact, her father was living with his parents. They were raising his son for him. She didn’t know that. After she began to act up, her aunt allowed her to go back to her father. Was this the best move for her? I doubt it.

She was with her father when she became pregnant. He forced her to have an abortion. Within a year, she was pregnant again with her first daughter, Julie. Foster care again came in on the scene. They removed Marsha and Julie from her father’s care and placed her with another aunt, Paula. She lived at Paula’s house until she was 18 years old when she moved in with her boyfriend.

She wasn’t there but six months when she became pregnant again. She was living on welfare so she took care of herself while she was pregnant. She had a little boy named Jasper. This was when I came back into her life. She came looking for me. She remembered how I used to help her when she was a child. We became friends once again in 2000. She was a part of our lives. I got to watch two children grow up. I couldn’t have children at that point so it was a precious time for me. She left her boyfriend in 2001.

I was busy preparing for the wedding at this point. My husband and I were fighting quite often. We split up right before the wedding. Nerves I think. Marsha came to us to tell us that she was pregnant again. She said the baby was my husband. She told him that he either took her or she would abort her. She said that she didn’t want to do that. He took her obviously. There was no choice.

Ok so its one month until we got married. Now I was really conflicted. Part of me was overjoyed because we would have a child to raise as our own. Well his. I was, also, furious for the same exact reason. I knew that it had happened. When we had gotten back together, my husband had told me about that night. But I didn’t expect to have this happen. I love my husband to death. And things happen. I had forgiven him or the wedding would not have still been happening. I couldn’t hold this against him. He had believed that we were over.

Since we knew ahead of time, I started spending more time with Marsha. I wanted to make sure that she ate right for the baby. We knew that she did not want the baby. We were very afraid that she would not do what she needed to do for it. We were allowed to name her since Marsha wanted no part of it. We named her Faith since she is our blessing. We brought Faith home from the hospital and she has been with us every since.

When Faith was two years old, Marsha started talking about joining the army. She was messed up with the wrong people by then. We found out that their older sister, Julie, had been taken by foster care by now. Her cousin had custody of Julie. Their brother, Jasper, was now living with his father, who had gotten married. With the instability of Marsha, my husband and I decided it was time for me to adopt Faith as my own. I will talk about the adoption in a later blog.

At the same time that we made the decision for me to adopt Faith, Marsha got married to Joey. This is the first time she has been married. Shortly into the marriage, she became pregnant with Jason. Joey became abusive. They ended up with Children Services being called. Jason was sitting in a pile of broken picture frames when they came. Children Services told Marsha that she could keep him if Joey left for the night. Joey returned that same night. Children Services came and took Jason out of the house. Jason was then placed with Marsha’s aunt, Paula.

Paula, Marsha's aunt, wanted more children. She wanted a little girl of her own. She and her husband went through infertilities treatments. A year later, she ended up having quads. So now Jason who is little more than a year old is in a house with ten kids. Four of those ten kids were newborns. Children Services began to watch Paula’s house until finally they had reason to go in and take Jason out of the home. I found out about that through a Myspace page.

So my kids have two other siblings, Julie and Jasper, out there. I can’t find them but some day I will. I know that they will want to know where they are.

*Disclaimer: All names are fictional. I have to protect their identities.