Today, I decided to share a journal of the first days of Faith's life with you. Its mushy so I warn you now.
Monday, October 7
You are finally here and we feel so blessed. We have waited a very long time for you. Kenny, your new daddy, is taking your big sister, Kaitlyn, to you Aunt Tabby's house until you are released from the hospital. I think Kenny is glowing. He is so excited.
At 7:30 this morning, Marsha called me to tell me that her water broke. I was so excited and scared at the same time. I don't know how to bring up a little girl. But I will learn as you grow up. At 8:30 a.m., we found that you were going to have to be delivered by c-section because your heart beat went down to 45. I was terrified. Not only for you but for Marsha as well. You see, I've known Marsha since she was very little.
I can't help but think and pray that this is truly what is best for you. I know that Ken and I can give you love and material things but I don't know who can give your more love. Marsha thinks its right. She does not want to raise another child. But my thoughts are on how you will handle it. Will we tell you about it upfront or will we hide it? The plans are for me to adopt you soon. Will Marsha change her mind and want to keep you before we leave? I'm so afraid to hide it though. I know someone that it was hidden from. He's an adult now. When he finds it will it devestate him? I think so.
I loved you from the moment you were born at 12:59 p.m. You weighed 7 pounds 3.2 ounces and were 20 inches long. You are so beautiful with your fat cheeks, long fingers and long toes. My heart is so full that I don't know if it will burst or not. I truly have never been happier.
I called my mom to tell her to come to the hospital to see you. She is so excited. She has a brand new baby granddaughter.
Thursday, October 10
Good morning, sweet pea. I got up this morning to the sound of your precious cry. It was a joyful feeling for me. I've wanted to hear a child in my house for so long. I love you so much.
Today as I held you, you smiled at me. I almost cried - it was so beautiful. I took you downstairs to meet the pets: Casper (the lab), Harley (the Golden Retriever), Lucky (the sheltie) and Shadow (russian blue cat). Casper put his nose on your arm and smelled you. giggles You hit him with your hand. It was so cute.
About 2:00 p.m. today, we (you and I) went to your Aunt Tabby's house. There you met your wonderful Aunt Tabby, who will be your babysitter and Godmother. I chose Tabby (my sister) as your Godmother because she loves kids and understands them. I have never in my life seen somebody who understands kids better than her. So I figured whatever I can't give you, she can. In the event of your daddy and my death, Tabby will raise you for me. Next you met your new cousins, Jeremie. I think he was a little scared of you because you are so small. Then came Jason who couldn't wait to meet you and last but not least was Chelsey. I think she fell in love with you at sight. Chelsey will be the one who will help you in your future with makeup, hair and clothes. I am really bad at it. Finally you met your uncle and Godfather, Jeff. Jeff was talking to you as if you were his. I was almost jealous. He was so natural. Some day I hope that I am but right now it still so overwhelming. I'm not sure of anything yet. I know that I love you completely.
Friday, October 11th
This morning, you really smiled at me. I felt my heart swell with love. Sometimes I find myself just sitting and watching you just wondering what you will be. The world is your oyster. You can be anything you chose ~ an athletic, artist, singer, writer, doctor, psychologist, teacher, lawyer~ anything you want to be. And I have been given the responsibility of guiding you. I love you so much.
I hope you enjoyed reading this. I can tell you that as I reread it. My heart felt like it was going to burst again. It was so magical a time for us.