Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Journal

Today, I decided to share a journal of the first days of Faith's life with you.  Its mushy so I warn you now.

Monday, October 7

Dearest Faith,

You are finally here and we feel so blessed.  We have waited a very long time for you.  Kenny, your new daddy, is taking your big sister, Kaitlyn, to you Aunt Tabby's house until you are released from the hospital.  I think Kenny is glowing.  He is so excited.

At 7:30 this morning, Marsha called me to tell me that her water broke.  I was so excited and scared at the same time.  I don't know how to bring up a little girl.  But I will learn as you grow up.  At 8:30 a.m., we found that you were going to have to be delivered by c-section because your heart beat went down to 45.  I was terrified.  Not only for you but for Marsha as well.  You see, I've known Marsha since she was very little.

I can't help but think and pray that this is truly what is best for you.  I know that Ken and I can give you love and material things but I don't know who can give your more love.  Marsha thinks its right.  She does not want to raise another child.  But my thoughts are on how you will handle it.  Will we tell you about it upfront or will we hide it?  The plans are for me to adopt you soon.  Will Marsha change her mind and want to keep you before we leave?  I'm so afraid to hide it though.  I know someone that it was hidden from.  He's an adult now.  When he finds it will it devestate him?  I think so.

I loved you from the moment you were born at 12:59 p.m.  You weighed 7 pounds 3.2 ounces and were 20 inches long.  You are so beautiful with your fat cheeks, long fingers and long toes.  My heart is so full that I don't know if it will burst or not.  I truly have never been happier.

I called my mom to tell her to come to the hospital to see you.  She is so excited.  She has a brand new baby granddaughter.

Thursday, October 10

Good morning, sweet pea.  I got up this morning to the sound of your precious cry.  It was a joyful feeling for me.  I've wanted to hear a child in my house for so long.  I love you so much.

Today as I held you, you smiled at me.  I almost cried - it was so beautiful.  I took you downstairs to meet the pets:  Casper (the lab), Harley (the Golden Retriever), Lucky (the sheltie) and Shadow (russian blue cat).  Casper put his nose on your arm and smelled you.  giggles You hit him with your hand.  It was so cute.

About 2:00 p.m. today, we (you and I) went to your Aunt Tabby's house.  There you met your wonderful Aunt Tabby, who will be your babysitter and Godmother.  I chose Tabby (my sister) as your Godmother because she loves kids and understands them.  I have never in my life seen somebody who understands kids better than her.  So I figured whatever I can't give you, she can.  In the event of your daddy and my death, Tabby will raise you for me.  Next you met your new cousins, Jeremie.  I think he was a little scared of you because you are so small.  Then came Jason who couldn't wait to meet you and last but not least was Chelsey.  I think she fell in love with you at sight.  Chelsey will be the one who will help you in your future with makeup, hair and clothes.  I am really bad at it.  Finally you met your uncle and Godfather, Jeff.  Jeff was talking to you as if you were his.  I was almost jealous.  He was so natural.  Some day I hope that I am but right now it still so overwhelming.  I'm not sure of anything yet.  I know that I love you completely.

Friday, October 11th

This morning, you really smiled at me.  I felt my heart swell with love.  Sometimes I find myself just sitting and watching you just wondering what you will be.  The world is your oyster.  You can be anything you chose ~ an athletic, artist, singer, writer, doctor, psychologist, teacher, lawyer~ anything you want to be.  And I have been given the responsibility of guiding you.  I love you so much.

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Readers,

I hope you enjoyed reading this.  I can tell you that as I reread it.  My heart felt like it was going to burst again.  It was so magical a time for us.

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10 comments:

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Thank you for sharing that. It was wonderful. Are you going to tell her she was adopted? My older brother was adopted, and my parents told him..I'm not sure how old he was, but I remember knowing when he was around 7 or so, so I am sure it was before that. I think it is wonderful to adopt. Both you and she are very lucky to have each other!

kyslp said...

That is a precious treasure for you to have - and to pass on to your daughter one day.

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

@Lee the Hot Flash Queen - I'm so glad that you liked it. Because I have someone in my life that does not know he is adopted, we decided to be upfront about it from day 5. I think. We were torn but figured if she knew early enough she would understand more. She knows that she is my little blessing which is why her name is Faith. She is my husbands. Thats another story. I was the one to adopt her. Its a good thing we did tell her as we found out later on. It would have been even harder if we hadn't when we found out Jason was in foster care. I am very very blessed to have her.

@kyslp - I honestly wish my mother had something like this for me. So Faith does have it. There are so many things that I kept for her to know in the future.

Amy said...

This is so neat. I should have done something like that.

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

@Amy - I always think about what I would like today from my mom and thats what I come up with. I'm glad you like it.

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Thank you for sharing this story. It really did touch my heart.

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

@Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com - I'm glad that you like it. That was the biggest compliment you could give me that it touched your heart. I'm so honored.

Helene said...

Awwwww, this post definitely tugged at the heart strings. I'm also a little emotional because my 1st set of twins will be turning 5 this week...so seeing this post brought back memories from when they were born.

I can relate to what you wrote about hearing her cries and it being so joyful. I felt the same way, especially when the 1st set were born. I remember the day we brought them home from the NICU and the first time they cried, I cried right along with them...tears of happiness and joy.

Deborah said...

That was beautiful!! It brought tears to my eyes. I have begun a journal for our child even though we have no idea who he or she is yet or even when will get any news that there is a precious little one waiting for us.

Blessings!
Deborah

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

@Helene - Awww happy birthday to the twins. Faith's birthday is just around the corner too. I'm so glad that the twins are alright. I can't even imagine being separated from the kids when they were first born.

@Deborah - Hi and welcome to my blog. I think its the best thing to do for your future child. They are out there. Millions and millions of children that need someone to love them.