Today was an odd day. Jason has days where I think he is just pushing me as hard as he can. Sometimes I wonder if it is to push me away completely. He has gone through 4 mothers at this point. I'm the 4th. It can't be easy on him to know that. I want to be his mother. I want to give him whatever he wants. But sometimes it is so hard. I know he is only pushing because he still can't trust in us. He's so afraid to just accept us as his family. So many people have let him down so far in his little life. It's truly sad.
I knew that his preschool teachers said that he had social issues but I didn't realize how bad they were. At least I found out how bad when we went on vacation. The first night Jason and Faith slept in their own room. I told them to come to me when they woke up. Did I really expect that they would? Ok I delusioned myself and did. They didn't, of course. So Jason gets up and starts flipping any light switch that he could. This is what I heard happened:
Brother in law said: Don't mess with the light switches.
Jason: I can do what I want. You aren't my boss.
Brother in law said: Your mom doesn't allow you to do that.
Jason: I don't have to listen to you.
My sister and I took them to a couple of beaches that day. They played in the sand for a while.
There is no joy bigger than seeing your child being a carefree child. This was the very best part of the trip. Watching them play gave me the peace that I needed.
While we were visiting the beach, we also checked out a bird sanctuary.