Saturday, October 24, 2009

Fourth Mother

Today was an odd day.  Jason has days where I think he is just pushing me as hard as he can.  Sometimes I wonder if it is to push me away completely.  He has gone through 4 mothers at this point.  I'm the 4th.  It can't be easy on him to know that.  I want to be his mother.  I want to give him whatever he wants.  But sometimes it is so hard.  I know he is only pushing because he still can't trust in us.  He's so afraid to just accept us as his family.  So many people have let him down so far in his little life.  It's truly sad.

I knew that his preschool teachers said that he had social issues but I didn't realize how bad they were.  At least I found out how bad when we went on vacation.  The first night Jason and Faith slept in their own room.  I told them to come to me when they woke up.  Did I really expect that they would?  Ok I delusioned myself and did.  They didn't, of course.  So Jason gets up and starts flipping any light switch that he could.  This is what I heard happened:

Brother in law said:  Don't mess with the light switches.

Jason:  I can do what I want.  You aren't my boss.

Brother in law said:  Your mom doesn't allow you to do that.

Jason:  I don't have to listen to you.
My sister and I took them to a couple of beaches that day.  They played in the sand for a while. 

There is no joy bigger than seeing your child being a carefree child.  This was the very best part of the trip.  Watching them play gave me the peace that I needed.

While we were visiting the beach, we also checked out a bird sanctuary.

Here is my sister explaining to Faith why all the birds are caged up.  This bird sanctuary actually rescues the birds and they stay here until they are well enough to go on their own if ever.  Here are the Eagles.  It was fascinating seeing them up close.

I find this picture hilarious.  Kids can be so focused.  They didn't even look up for the picture.  My sister is.  But my kids are focused on the A&W Root beer in front of them.

It was an absolutely beautiful sanctuary.  I found it funny in one of the pictures; you can see the birds outside the fence.  They had been pardoned but they come back to sun their feathers. 



Andrea said...

He is just testing you to see if you will give him up,too. It is so hard to deal with the behavior and help these little broken vessels grow into all GOD created them to be.
Praying for you, andrea

Just Breathe said...

Poor little guy. You just wonder what is running through his mind. Trust is a very hard issue to overcome. I will pray for him, pray that he finds contentment in his heart along with trust so he has freedom to live freely.

Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

I was the second mom to my oldest son (also named Jason) and it took him a looong time to trust that I wasn't going anywhere. It is good that you recognize he is testing you- just stay firm and consistent- in both discipline and love. Praying for you!

kys said...

I know you will do the right thing for this little guy! You are lucky to have each other.

Frugal Vicki said...

You know, I only had one biological father and one stepdad leave me. But I have tons and tons of other family scars added on top, scars that carry me to today. I pushed and pushed and pushed my current stepdad (my real father in my eyes) away, but he never budged. he was the man that walked me down the aisle and the only person I TRULY trust. I am praying for you! You sound like you truly want to be his hero. Just keep your eye on that goal!