Thursday, October 29, 2009

Keep my mouth shut or tell like it is


Ok lately I've been having a hard time writing anything. Every where. Since I went to Florida, I haven't wanted to write. Believe me its hard to believe even for me.


I keep giving the excuse that Jason has the beginning of the flu. I've been tired as heck for driving for 16 hours on 4 separate days in a week. I even found out that I had walking pneumonia this week. Like that's a surprise. And I found out that my sister is more like my mother than I realized.

But what it really comes down to is I'm sad. I miss my sister. I miss her dearly. I miss the strong independent little sister that I had. It’s been a week since I talked to her. I texted her after we left to tell her that I appreciate her having us there. I said that I was sorry for what happened because of her NOT because of him. I know that was not an apology for him. I do forgive him for what he did but only because God tells us to forgive. I simply refuse to put myself or my children in his path again. I can forget his snide remarks or what he did to my son by sticking things up my son’s nose. Oh he said he wasn’t drunk from what I heard. But I don’t know anyone that sticks things up a 4 year old little boy’s nose when they are sober.

For years, my brother in law has made snide little remarks to me. I think because I know what he did in the past. I apologized once in the past for things that I’ve said. I did this to clear the air so that I could see my sister. For years, I’ve tried to put it away but he continued with his comments. I tried to ignore him when we first came down. I know he wouldn't have said a freaking thing if my husband had been with us. Believe me, we appreciate the fact that we can stay at their house. My husband was always able to calm me down every time we went.

The first year they went down there. He literally put salt blocks in the citrine. He did this from what I heard so that his company would leave quickly. He MOVED my sister 16 hours away from us. He chose to do that not us. Every year we have scrimped and gone there to see them. We have added that expense to our lives so that we could see my sister and her family. We did not choose that. Money is tight but I needed to see my sister. I needed to see my nephews and niece.

I’m not going to go into the details of the disagreement only the part that is tearing me up. I miss my sister. I miss who she was. You see all of our childhood we talked about how my mother was so co-dependent. Now I see that she is as well. She is my best friend and I miss her dearly.

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11 comments:

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I am so sorry for you! That is terrible when there is someone standing in your way of family. I have that same issue with my older brother and his wife.

Andrea said...

Tami,

I am praying for you. I lost my youngest sister tragically when she was 17 yrs old. My middle sister and I are very close. We live many miles a part, but after the loss of one sibling we made a commitment that NO MATTER WHAT....NOTHING would ever come between us. It has been 20 years this year and so far so good with our commitment.
It takes two to make this commitment, but I pray your sister will not allow anything to come between you. Sometimes it means agreeing not to discuss something or in your case meeting in a place where the offender is not invited. I would have an extremely difficult time tolerating your brother in laws behavior, too. I would not be able to be around him when he was acting that way.
Hang in there!
Praying for you,
andrea

PS: Sitka has an award for you at http://andrealuvsallgodscreatures.blogspot.com
It is the second post down.

Menopausal New Mom said...

No wonder you are sad. I'm so sorry that you are having problems with in laws that are preventing you from being able to enjoy the time you spend with your sister.

I hope at some point she has her eyes opened and makes some tough decisions about how she wants to live her life. Family is so important which I know first hand. I lost my little brother 11 years ago when he was only 32 and I have never gotten over it, at least on the inside. Outwardly, no one would know how devastated I still am to this day.

Chin up, I hope things get better for you and I'm thankful that you still have the opportunity to be with your sister regardless of how stressful the circumstances.

Just Breathe said...

((HUGS)) Thought you needed this.

Kimi said...

This is so sad. Hugs to you and your sister.

Amy said...

I hope things get better for the two of you. Just call her and tell her how you feel.

Thena said...

Prayers for you and your sister, and your families.

Heart2Heart said...

Tami,

Just maintain communications with your sister is the most important thing. Perhaps the reason you miss her so much is God is laying that love on your heart. It took almost 8 years for my brother and I to reconnect after his former ex felt I was a bad influence for them and kept them away. To this day, my brother regrets every one of those 8 years apart!


Love and Hugs ~ Kat

kys said...

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Especially to see history repeating itself in regards to your mother and sister. Hugs.

LZ @ My Messy Paradise said...

Uggh. That stinks, I'm sorry and really feeling for you. I wouldn't be surprised if she's aware of how she's changed...most are and just don't know what to do it about it.
Good luck!
(and thank you for my awesome award!!)

blueviolet said...

My sister was once married to somebody who tried his level best to pull her away from the family and especially me. He wanted to control her every move.

Fortunately she saw it right away and divorced him within 6 months.